


11 Days to Christmas

by SabrinaSelene



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Christmas, Floofier than your comforter, Fluff, Hey guys it's holiday season!, Holiday fluff coming right up!, Jearmin - Freeform, Jearmin fluffiness, M/M, canonverse, what more can you ask for?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-16 00:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13042305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabrinaSelene/pseuds/SabrinaSelene
Summary: 『 The flame was slowly dying as the flickering light on Armin's face dimmed. The candlewick was at its end. Jean could feel and smell Armin's breath. It was balmy, delicate and sweet."Please," Armin whispered.Jean felt his lips moving on their own accord as he whispered back. "Alright, Armin." 』It'd be just like any other 11 days right? Little did both Jean and Armin know, this season's Christmas will bring about much unexpected tidings.Update: This fic takes place after Ymir, Reiner and Bertoldt had left the Survey Corps.[ COMPLETE ]





	1. Eleven days

**Author's Note:**

> This fic can also be found on fanfiction.net but I'm moving this here because I realised I never posted it on this website. Will be posting a chapter a day until Christmas! Hope you guys will enjoy the ride! :)

"AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL?" Hange exclaimed excitedly. She laughed maniacally as she presented a wooden 3 meter class Titan.

It was carved out to vaguely resemble the shape of a human body, had a neck with the usual foam cushion on the back and a flat wooden head. It's back was also attached to a tautened string tied around a tree.

"Wow … are they really mechanical?"

"Hange said they were … clockwork?"

"So they actually move?"

Whispers broke out among the Survey Corps who eyed the wooden Titan with a mixture of awe and nervousness. It was especially cold out today seeing as it was December and the soldiers were still exhausted from last week's training. However, seeing a fuller-bodied wooden Titan who were said to be able to move, fueled their curiosity and interest. Training suddenly became a lot more exciting.

"That's right!" Hange said loudly and thumped Armin, who was standing beside her, on the back enthusiastically. Caught unaware, he stumbled forward and almost fell. "Thanks to your brilliant comrade here who came up and drafted the idea, we now have moving clockwork Titans for your training!"

Armin looked away from the stares. Standing here in front of his fellow soldiers was a little uncomfortable, he'd rather they not mention his contribution at all.

"So once I release the string from this tree, the Titan will start moving and your job is to cut out the neck as usual and knock it down so that the Titan stops moving. Now, isn't that brilliant?" Hange continued proudly.

Levi cleared his throat for attention and everyone strained their necks to look at him. "However, we only made 15 of these ranging from 3 to 15 meters of height. So, if you destroy them, meaning, if you aim poorly and hit elsewhere but its neck, you will have to fix it and have your income cut to pay for the damage."

The level of anxiousness among the Survey Corps increased and more worried whisperings broke out. After silencing them, Levi again reminded them of the parameters they were allowed to train in and sent them off.

Armin too, went off after the rest. Although 15 Titans seemed to be a small number, this was the first time they were animate. He had come up with the idea after reading about clockwork in a book in the library and realising that if they were able to make moving Titans by mechanical clockwork, they might be able to simulate a real fight, even if by a little bit. And to his delight, Erwin loved the idea when he had proposed it to him late one evening after drawing out the mechanics, fully labelled with various diagrams.

"Hey Armin!" a hand landed on his shoulder snapping him out of his thoughts. Armin turned to see Eren landing beside him on the tree branch.

"You would know where the Titans are placed right?" His best friend grinned. "You gotta tell me, I want to take them all down before anyone else!"

Armin scratched his head sheepishly. "Well … I actually don't know … I only gave Erwin the idea and helped build the Titans, but no one told me where their locations are in the forest."

"Tch," Eren kicked at the branch, "I hate searching in the cold." And then, he let out a loud sneeze.

Mikasa, spotting her two friends also joined them. "Eren," she started a little concerned, "are you catching a cold?"

Eren shook his head. "Nah, don't worry. It's just a little chilly today."

Armin looked up towards the sky; it did look a little cloudy … one could barely see the sun although it was only 2 in the afternoon.

"Come on, let's go take down some moving Titan butt!" Eren pumped his fist into the air and took off, Mikasa hot on his heels.

Armin too, followed him behind as best as he could. He was getting better with his 3D maneuver gear and was proud that he could now keep his faster-moving friends within his line of sight. Suddenly, Eren cried out as he spotted a clockwork 10-meter class moving awkwardly towards the East. He zoned into the target and flew towards it with lightning speed …

Wham!

The nape of the neck was sliced clean off as the Titan fell forward, its stubby wooden legs still trying to walk. However, it wasn't Eren who sliced it off but Jean who was a second faster. The latter stood triumphantly at the side as the former fumed.

"That was mine!" Eren stabbed a blade into the remaining cushion on the neck.

"Not anymore," smirked Jean.

"Watch it, horseface -"

Armin sighed as he landed on the ground with Mikasa. Another quarrel …

Just then, a new voice cut in. "Eren! Come with me," Levi landed beside Eren on the Titan.

"Huh? Why -"

"Since when do you have permission to question orders?" Levi's eyes flashed dangerously. "Follow me quietly, brat. We want you to try something."

Eren let out a soft groan of impatience as he trailed dejectedly after Levi. Mikasa frowned. "Probably more tests …"

Armin nodded. He was also worried. Both of them are seeing less and less of Eren each day because of these tests … He was also always under heavy surveillance by Levi too. It was becomingly increasingly rare and hard to train or even dine together.

Mikasa sighed. "But there's nothing we can do. Let's just keep moving and do Eren proud." And then, in a flash, she had already disappeared among the trees.

With both of them gone, it suddenly felt a lot colder and Armin can't help but instinctively wrap his cloak around him tighter.

"Some friends you've got."

Armin whipped his head around instantly and glared. "What's that supposed to mean, Jean?"

"Exactly what I meant. These days you're always alone -"

"It's not their fault. I don't blame them for -"

"Being MIA?" Jean raised an eyebrow. "Look, it's the sad truth but Eren's gonna grow more and more distant because he can't always be here for you. And Mikasa? Let's face it, she's always going to be chasing after Eren and -"

"Oh my god." Armin inhaled sharply. "Snow …"

"What?" Jean, irritated at the blond interrupting his train of thought, was confused for a second. Then, in the next second, he finally registered what Armin had said as a cold wetness landed on his hand.

Blinking, Jean realised that it had started to snow in tiny little ice-flakes.

Nearby, he also heard shrieks from various parts of the forest. Some surprised, some excited. Well, he thought, it started snowing a little early this year although it wasn't completely unexpected. The past week had been freezing and it only got colder by day.

He turned his attention back towards Armin who was now looking a little far away. He was staring up at the cloudy sky, his palms faced up and expression both a little distant and strangely … melancholic.

It was a little weird to be seeing someone so level-headed look so high up in the clouds. It was almost uncomfortable. Jean felt like he was infringing on something personal.

"H - hey …" he started hesitantly.

Armin's expression remained unchanged. "Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

There was a moment of silence before the question finally set in. Jumping a little, as if he were startled, Armin looked at Jean with a nervous smile.

"I'm sorry. I'm perfectly fine … just - well, reminiscing about how my grandpa and I would play in the snow at this time of year when I was younger." Armin looked at the snowflakes he had collected on his palms and continued, "Eren, Mikasa … all the neighbourhood kids would be having snowball fights … it was really fun."

Jean was unsure how to respond. Why was Armin telling him all this? They barely knew each other. Nevertheless, he tried his best to reply. "Well … uhh. Christmas break is coming next week. So … you could go back and have fun -"

"My grandpa and my parents are dead, Jean." Armin gave a painful smile. "There's nothing for me left back there."

"I, I'm sorry …" Jean replied immediately and hating himself for trying to say something. He should have just kept silent and let Armin reminisce. Now he had made things ten times more awkward.

Armin let out a small laugh and shrugged. "It's okay. I didn't expect you to know and if you did, I didn't expect you to remember.

"Though I hope …" Armin continued, "Christmas break here at Headquarters would be just as memorable!"

Jean was grateful for the change in topic. "I don't know, this place is gloomy and I myself can't really feel the Christmas cheer."

Then, they both saw a plume of blue smoke go up in the air. "That's the signal for us to go back," Jean remarked.

Armin was already off but not before he replied Jean. "Perhaps you'll feel the cheer later on!"

As Jean was left standing there, in the very same position he was in after taking down the clockwork Titan (whose legs had now stopped kicking), he shook his head.

He highly doubted that would happen.

 

* * *

 

When the Survey Corps got back to Headquarters, it was 4. It was also announced that Mikasa had taken down 7 Titans, Connie 2, Sasha 2, Jean 1 and the rest by other soldiers. Needless to say, Mikasa got the highest grade. Everyone was instructed to wash up and rest before dinner since training had ended earlier.

However, just as Armin turned to go, he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Hange. "Armin!" She said brightly, "could you help us retrieve the Titans and move them back into the warehouses?"

15 minutes later, Armin was searching through the forest, looking for the Titans. At least he knew the location of one.

Upon reaching it, he saw a few Survey Corps surrounding the Titan trying to load it onto a large cart pulled by horses. Armin joined them and helped lift it onto the cart.

"Guys," he panted noticing no one was lifting the Titan's feet. "Don't drag its feet on the ground. Can someone hold it up please?"

"Got it." Jean landed at its feet and proceeded to lift it.

Surprised to see him there, Armin almost let go of the body he and other soldiers were supporting.

"What?" Jean looked defensive, noticing his surprise. "I was told by Hange to do this. So were Connie and Sasha … only Mikasa was let off."

"Probably her reward for scoring the highest," Armin replied happily.

With a last heave, the Titan was successfully placed in the cart. Armin checked to see all its parts were fine and unbroken. He gave the soldiers on the horses a thumbs up to indicate they could bring it back to Headquarters now.

"Tch," Jean dusted his hands. "I could have gotten Mikasa's score if I hadn't stood here talking to you -" Then, he stopped himself, albeit a little too late.

Armin now looked annoyed. "Well, I'm sorry my past was interesting enough to have kept you. Maybe if you had left like Mikasa did, instead of blaming her for my non-existent loneliness, you wouldn't be here now."

Turning sharply, Armin set off to find the locations of the other Titans.

There are a few things in life that amused Jean. Highly inappropriate jokes and Eren falling on his face were among those things. Strangely enough, Jean thought an insulted Armin was amusing too. Well, not outright, but it was very subtly and weirdly beguiling …

Feeling a little unsettled at his own thoughts, Jean cleared them and focused on something else. The snow was still falling, a little more thickly now and he inevitably was reminded of their conversation here again.

Christmas cheer, huh? He thought. Unfortunately, his father had divorced his mother and his two sisters had gotten married and moved away. Soon the entire family had grown distant from each other, save for he, himself and his mother who lived together. Nonetheless, no one saw the point in celebrating Christmas anymore. It was just too much bother.

Jean shivered involuntarily as a wind howled through the trees. The biting cold reminded him of the present and he was returned to reality. Not only was the snow getting thicker, it was getting colder too.

He decided to move on and search for more clockwork Titans. Getting his blood up and running may warm him up a little …

 

* * *

 

Armin gave the Titan a last push with all his might, successfully heaving it onto the cart. He wiped the perspiration off his brow as did the other soldiers who had helped. Finally, the 15-meter class clockwork Titan was in the cart and on its way after Armin's usual inspection.

He mentally counted the Titans he had found. 4 so far … and he was already exhausted. Armin massaged his arms. They were definitely going to start aching tomorrow.

Since he saw no smoke in the sky, there are still more unfound out there and he started off once more. After all, he made no kills during training so this was the least he could do to help.

Armin wondered if the Corps thought he was a burden as he was definitely one of the weakest physically, if not the weakest. Despite knowing he could aid them mentally as with the invention of the clockwork Titans, Armin couldn't shake off the feeling that he pulled everyone behind with his inability to keep up physically.

I need to start getting stronger. Armin thought. What was it that people do to build stamina and muscle? Work out? The term was strange and foreign to him … but he was determined to do anything that might benefit the Survey Corps, especially if it meant improving himself so that he could be an asset to the team.

Lost in his thoughts, Armin soon found himself in unfamiliar territory. Where was he?

He didn't start panicking until half an hour of trekking later. The trees only seem to be getting taller and the foliage, thicker, as was the snow. Soon, what little sunlight that pierced through the forest had almost gone. Armin could only see a little patch of sky left as he looked directly above him. The rest of it was obscured by the taller trees …

He immediately regretted leaving alone. He should have gone with someone to search for Titans. They had just recently cleared this forest of real ones and Armin knew he was in no real danger but they had all barely explored the new territory today. Armin, who had made less rounds around the perimeters of this forest can hardly say he knew the place in and out. He wasn't even sure which direction he was headed to at this moment …

Armin stopped in the middle of his tracks. No, he wasn't imagining it. It was definitely getting darker and the snow was falling more thickly. He wrapped his cloak around him and huddled by a tree. Should he keep moving? Or should he stay put and wait for others to find him?

All of a sudden, a twig cracked a good few meters behind him.

Armin jumped. Was that a Titan? A real Titan? But … there aren't supposed to be any left …

He was about to go up the branches of a tree next to him when he heard footsteps crunching on the freshly fallen snow. Armin breathed a little easy. Those were human footsteps, definitely not a Titan.

He walked around the large trunk with some trepidation. But who could it be?

A familiar tall figure approached.

"Jean?" Armin peeked from the side the trunk.

The figure neared and sure enough, it was Jean who had approached him. "Jeez, why do you sound so nervous?"

Armin stammered, "I … I was just … You never know if -"

However, Jean waved it off. "It doesn't matter anymore. At least I found you. Everyone's been searching for you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we got all the Titans but realised you were missing. A few of us went back to search for you … and I just happened to find your footprints."

Armin lowered his head. "I'm sorry for being such a burden. I got lost …"

With amusement evident in his voice, Jean replied, "I can see that. Why didn't you use your gear?"

"I was afraid I might run out of gas. I forgot to refill …"

Jean struggled to keep himself from sighing. How was it that someone with the brainpower to come up with clockwork Titans and various tactical strategies can also forget to do something so essential?

"Well, I suppose you at least saved it for the trip back. Follow me, I've got a map." Jean gestured for him to come out from behind the tree.

Armin walked out, a little ashamed that he had worried everyone. Once again, he had slowed the whole team down …

Splat!

Shocked, Armin stopped and reached up his right hand to touch his hair. The snow fell onto his shoulders and onto his boots.

"Lighten up!" Jean rolled his eyes and then brushed off the remaining snow from his hand. "You look like you are about to attend a funeral."

"Jean … you -" Armin blinked. A smile started to curl at the corners of his lips. "You threw a snowball at me."

Jean crossed his arms. "Yeah, what about it?"

The smile grew bigger. "I guess I also forgot to mention I was the number one snowball-fighting champ back then."

Without missing a beat, a snowball landed right on Jean's face. Taken aback, he stumbled, tripped over a root on the ground and fell backwards, landing in a sitting position.

What just happened? Jean was utterly perplexed. He didn't even see Armin move!

Speaking of which, the blond was now giggling like a 5-year old. Jean didn't even stop to think; reacting instinctively as he threw whatever snow he could grab on the ground at Armin.

The other boy gave a small squeak of surprise and jumped out of the way in the nick of time. Armin immediately ran behind the trunk, crouched, took aim and released another snowball, all in one fluid motion.

Once again, unprepared, the snowball landed in the middle of Jean's chest.

"What? How -" He was cut off as Armin started to continuously assault him with snowballs. Jean got up and ran for his life, trying to dodge the flying snow.

"H - hey! Stop!" Jean attempted to hurl more snow in Armin's way but running from the other boy's rapid fire of snow made it ten times more difficult. Weirdly enough, he was confused, annoyed and having fun.

Finally, Jean took cover behind a thick tree trunk. He heaved a sigh of relief. Who knew Armin was so good at snowball fights? Of all things too! Jean peered around the tree trunk nervously and saw Armin walking around with a grin on his face, no doubt looking for him. He started to prepare himself …

"Je - ean," he sang. "You started this, you know?"

Taking a leaf from Armin's book, Jean reacted like lightning. Swiftly, he jumped out from behind the tree trunk and ran to Armin with all the snow he had gathered from around the trunk.

"And I'm ending this!" Jean exclaimed triumphantly as he dumped the snow onto the smaller boy.

Armin screamed and moved away quickly to avoid the bulk of the snow falling on him. Stumbling, as he ran, his legs finally gave way and he fell onto the snow.

"Armin?" Jean quickly approached him with concern.

However, Armin flipped over so that he was lying on his back. Hands on his stomach and face-flushed, he began to laugh openly, unrestrained and unabashed. Jean stared down at him with a mixture of emotions. Finally, he began to chuckle too, thinking about how much time they had wasted.

"Come on, let's go back," said Jean finally, still beaming.

Armin's hands released his stomach, but made no attempt to get up as they flopped onto the snow beside his body. Now lying spread-eagled, the far-away look that Jean had saw, crossed his face again.

"I haven't had this much fun since … since we were all much younger and -" Armin paused for a while. Lowering his voice, he continued in an even more delicate tone, "- since … Grandpa was around."

He turned to his side so that he faced away from Jean. Armin wiped his cheeks quickly.

Jean took a few steps forward and knelt down. "Armin …" He stretched out his hand.

Armin hurriedly brought himself to a sitting position and took his hand with a bright smile. "I know," he said as the two of them got to their feet.

After brushing off the snow on his body, Armin said almost breathlessly, "Thanks, Jean. Let's head back now."

Jean watched as he started forward into the trees. He wanted to follow but something rooted him to the ground, just as before. The emotion in Armin's voice when describing his childhood and the candour on his face as he expressed his thanks … They stirred inexplicable emotions within Jean, himself.

"Umm …" Armin paused in mid-step and turned around to look at him sheepishly. "Where's Headquarters again?"

Jean stared back for a second before looking away quickly as he furiously pat his clothes. Finally, he pulled out a folded map.

"I'll lead the way," he said, fumbling with the paper.

Eventually, the two made their way back. However, by the time they had reached Headquarters, it was almost 8 and dinner was already over. Mikasa greeted Armin in front of the dinner hall, pulling out a piece of bread from her jacket.

"I was so worried," she said with genuine concern as she picked out the leaves from Armin's hair.

Jean wondered why he was still standing there and turned back. He should head to the showers.

"Jean," Mikasa's voice stopped him.

"Yeah?" He didn't turn around.

"Thanks for bringing Armin back."

Jean shrugged. "You're welcome." Then, he strode away rapidly.

That night, as he lay in bed, Jean couldn't figure out why but he felt good about himself. Perhaps it was because I had helped the Golden Trio, he thought. Opportunities like that only appear once in a lifetime.

Satisfied with that sarcastic thought, he finally drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone already feeling the Christmas cheer? HAHA, just a heads up that I will be posting the next few chapters tomorrow since I'm running a little late on the posting schedule. XD


	2. Ten days

Armin stepped out of the heavy doors with anticipation. It had been snowing all of last night, since he had returned to Headquarters. And now, on a bright Thursday morning, he could finally admire the pristine snow covering everything in sight like a warm, fluffy blanket.

Shimmering slightly in the sun, the place was suddenly transformed into a beautiful winter wonderland. He inhaled deeply, relishing the cold air that filled his lungs. His breath came out in little white puffs. Armin grinned. Winter had always been his favourite season.

"Let's get a move on!" Levi yelled from the front as soldiers filed out from the Headquarters. Today was yet another day of training and though nobody was looking forward to it, the freshly fallen snow had altered the mundane and breathed some life into everyone.

"Man," Eren said falling in step with Armin. "Doesn't this look a lot like the forest near home?"

Armin nodded enthusiastically. "I remember how we'd play in the snow for hours and come home drenched head to toe!"

Then, Mikasa who was walking beside Eren also chimed in. "I remember how Eren tried to build a snow fort but it -"

"Sto-op!" Eren shoved Mikasa lightly. "That was so long ago!"

The trio dissolved into laughter as they recalled more memories along the way to the training grounds.

It seemed like today's task was to run laps around the perimeter of the forest. It was easy enough to comprehend though the stamina required to complete it scared Armin a little. He could see the point of today's training though. It was to make sure soldiers were used to the snow and were able to move just as quickly and efficiently across it, lest they get caught by a Titan.

A horn blew and soon Armin found himself trudging along the snow with the rest. He knew he wasn't going to come in first place but he was still determined to beat his personal best.

To his surprise, halfway through his lap, Armin hardly felt the need to rest. Usually he would be panting hard for oxygen by now. But perhaps, looking at the beautiful scenery helped ease his jogging. Everything just looks so transformed after it had snowed. It was breath-taking and almost magical.

A coughing up ahead caught Armin's attention. It was followed by a sneeze as he caught up to the figure running just ahead of him.

"Jean?" Armin looked at him with surprise.

Jean looked strangely pale save for his red nose and flushed cheeks. He also seemed to be perspiring …

"Are you alright?"

Jean waved a hand absent-mindedly. "Just fine."

Then, Mikasa who was ahead, also slowed down so that she was beside Armin. "Everything okay?"

Unsure of what to say, Armin stuttered a little. "O - oh. Yeah. I, I'm okay." "Then let's go. Eren's sprinting ahead."

As Armin ran off with Mikasa, he cast a glance back at Jean. His expression was unreadable though he did look tired and unwell … Armin was conflicted. Should he have stayed behind with Jean? But then again, what would that accomplish? Even if Jean were unwell, it's not as if running beside him would make him feel better.

 _You could have kept him company_. His conscience told him.

Shaking his head, Armin pushed the thought out of his mind and continued along. It was too late now. He and Mikasa were already far ahead.

Finally, the soldiers had all completed their laps. Armin was left panting breathlessly as he put his hands on his knees for support.

"Well done!" Eren slapped his back, causing him to choke. "You set a personal best!" Armin recovered and straightened up, smiling. And so he did! Although of course, he was nowhere near Eren who came in first. If it weren't for the snowy landscape that he could distract himself with and Mikasa's encouragement, he was sure he'd come in last.

Then, a bout of sneezing interrupted everyone's conversations. Heads turned to look towards Jean who was bent over and sneezing violently.

"Your nose is so red, Jean!" Someone pointed out as everyone chuckled.

"Thought you were supposed to be horseface and not reindeer?"

Eren laughed heartily. "That's a good one!"

"Piss off!" Jean said, irritably as he shoved someone away. Forcefully, he made his way into the castle as everyone continued laughing.

Eren scoffed. "Hah! Horseface came in last this time! Maybe we should all start calling him -"

Armin gave Eren a disapproving look.

"What?" Eren crossed his arms indignantly.

Sighing, Armin decided to leave his friends for the shower. He never liked crowds and he never liked being part of one that picked on others.

As he dried his hair with a towel, he wondered if his sense of morals would cost him his friends one day. He supposed they were all making fun of Jean in the name of light-hearted, harmless fun. Still, Jean looked really upset.

Armin made his way to the cafeteria and queued for his food. After receiving his tray, he looked around and spotted Mikasa and Eren at a table. He hurried over and sat down.

"Hey, Armin," smiled Mikasa. "You were in the shower for a while."

Eren swallowed his bread. "Yeah, what's got into you?"

"What's wrong with being in the shower for a little while?" Armin replied defensively.

"You could miss dinner," laughed Eren.

Propping up an elbow on the table, Armin leaned his head on his hand. Suddenly, he didn't feel very hungry anymore.

"Where's Jean?" Armin interjected Mikasa and Eren's conversation abruptly.

"Probably resting in the dorm," answered Mikasa after a moment of surprise.

Eren laughed again. "He caught a cold 'cause he thinks he's too cool for us." Then, he guffawed louder after his little joke.

Armin rolled his eyes. Despite his outwardly disinterested appearance (or at least this was what he had hoped to look like), in his mind, he was contemplating. He felt a little guilty for what he had done … or rather, what he didn't do. Armin could have stayed behind to accompany Jean who was in fact, sick and he could have defended him later when everyone was teasing him. His cold was probably due to him searching for Armin in the snow yesterday too.

Armin felt like he should take some responsibility somehow.

"Armin?" Mikasa spoke up. "You look like you're thinking."

_Oh no. So he didn't look as disinterested as he thought he would!_

"Since when is he ever not thinking?" Eren grinned, ruffling Armin's hair.

Armin laughed nervously as he got to his feet. "I'm just not feeling very hungry. I'm going to turn in early."

Then, he picked up his tray and walked off quickly, leaving his two friends staring after him in confusion.

 

* * *

 

Jean turned his head sharply. Someone just knocked on the door. Nobody knocks on dorm doors … everyone just, well, comes in.

Two more knocks sounded. Clear and yet, somehow hesitant.

"Yeah?" Jean answered in a gruff voice. He cleared his throat. _Ugh, the phlegm._

The door opened and a petite figure entered. It was dark and Jean couldn't see clearly. Was it a girl? Girls aren't allowed in here!

The figure stepped on a creaky floorboard and jumped, gasping.

"Armin?" Jean squinted his eyes. That voice certainly belonged to that small blond boy. It slightly disturbed him that he would recognise it. But then again, how could he not? They've all been training together for a while.

"Jean?" Armin stepped over the floorboard, and into the moonlight. "It's dark."

Jean wondered why he was stating the obvious.

"Where's everyone?" He asked as Armin reached his bed where he was lying down. Was he holding a tray?

"Still dining," the other boy's voice dropped to a whisper. Armin held out a tray with bread and a mug from which steam rose from despite the cold.

"It's some bread and hot chocolate," he described the items he had brought, lifting his eyes to meet Jean's.

The blue eyes seemed to sparkle in the moonlight. It was hard to look away and for a moment, Jean thought it was really pretty.

 _Pretty?!_ Jean caught himself staring and immediately tore his own eyes away. _Sheesh. The cold's making me crazy too._

He sat up, groaning as he did so and sniffled. It looked good and his stomach was rumbling. Jean accepted the tray after muttering his thanks and bit into the bread ravenously.

Armin, who had knelt beside the bed, twiddled his thumbs self-consciously. Should he go?

"Why are you here?" Jean spoke finally, in between bites. "It's not your dorm."

Armin scratched his head. "I … just wanted to … I mean, you're sick so …"

Watching him struggle with his words was also weirdly interesting … though Jean didn't know if that was the right word exactly. Whatever, he'll pass it off as the cold messing with his brain.

Soon, he was done with the bread and started to sip the hot chocolate slowly. "I didn't know they made hot chocolate," he murmured.

Armin looked up again with his vivid blue eyes. "Oh, I snuck into the pantry and found it!"

"You made it?" Jean asked incredulously.

"Yes … is it good?"

Jean nodded. "It's great."

Armin laughed softly as a tense silence fell between them. Finally, he collected the tray from Jean after he was done and left.

Jean fell back onto bed. Somehow, he already felt much better. Feeling like everything was a weird dream, he drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Jean looked up at the ceiling of the double-decker bed, annoyed. The soldiers have returned and they were making noise as usual. It had woken him up. Turning to the side, Jean shut his eyes again and tried to sleep.

One hour later, as everyone was snoring, Jean still remained awake. Now feeling in an even worse mood, he got up, put his jacket on and made his way to the kitchens. Perhaps some water would help.

The moment he stepped outside the door however, he instantly regretted it. The outside was freezing.

Sneezing, he went down the corridor and along the way, passed the library.

 _Strange,_ he thought. _There was an orange light at the bottom of the door._

Curiosity got the better of him and Jean decided to open the heavy double doors. As he stepped inside, the warm air enveloped him, soothing his nerves.

There was a sound of something being dropped and he suddenly noticed Armin sitting on a dusty, maroon couch.

"Jean!" Armin exclaimed, picking up his book. "What are you doing here?"

Jean blinked. "I woke up … was looking for water. It was cold outside." He would understand his brief explanation right? Armin was supposed to be smart.

To his relief, the other boy didn't question him further and instead, approached him quickly with a cup of water.

"You should come by the fire. It'll warm you," Armin said, thrusting the cup in his hands.

Jean followed and sat down on a couch near the crackling fireplace. He had never really been in the library before. The arched windows against the night-time sky told him he was still in the castle but the golden light cast around the lumpy couches and wooden bookshelves made everything seem cosier. He noted a nearby table with a jug of water. Was Armin intending to stay here for a while?

"So … why are you reading so late at night?" Jean asked to break the silence.

Armin, who had taken a seat opposite him, brushed the cover of his book comfortingly. "It's a habit I had developed. I've always loved books but we couldn't afford much back then. So coming here and discovering a library encouraged me to make use of it as much as I could."

Jean sipped the cool water. "You come here every night then?"

Armin nodded, "I leave when I start to feel sleepy."

"I'm sorry I took your water."

"No, it's alright!" Armin assured him awkwardly. Once again, feeling self-conscious, he frantically opened the book to a random page and began to read.

Jean couldn't help but smile. It was weird but he also found this amusing. His annoyance had all but dissipated.

"You know," Jean cleared his throat. "You never told me why you brought me that bread and chocolate."

Armin looked up sharply, almost dropping his book again. The light from the fireplace illuminated his blond hair. It was almost golden. His eyes were downcast, focusing on his book which he lay across his lap.

"I just … kind of felt guilty."

"For?"

"For not helping you out just now …"

Now Jean was confused. Just now?

Armin who had looked up, noticed his confusion and elaborated, clumsily gesturing. "You know … while we were running … and when the other guys were teasing you."

Jean blinked. That's why he was doing this? The thought almost made him laugh considering Jean hadn't even thought about it. However, he held back as Armin seemed like he wanted to say more.

"Also …" he continued, "… yesterday you were looking for me in the snow so I feel responsible for your cold."

Now, Jean laughed softly. "I volunteered to search because I had nothing better to do."

"Then there was the snowball fight …" Armin said, fingering with the pages of the book. "I think that's why you caught a cold."

Jean paused before answering softly. "That was fun though."

Armin glanced at him. "Really?"

He looked away, into the fire. "Yeah … I never really got to do that when I was younger."

"Why?"

Jean hesitated, then shrugged. "My sisters were never around. They were much older and had gotten married, moving away," there was another pause. "My parents were divorced too, so I lived with Mum who was always busy working or doing the chores." He swallowed. Why was he relating all this?

Armin rubbed his chin. Jean was starting to feel more uncomfortable by the second. He wondered if he should say something but Armin looked deep in thought.

Finally, Armin gasped. "Why don't you write to your family?"

Jean frowned. "What?"

"You can write a letter to every one of them for Christmas!"

Jean felt uneasy now. "I haven't … written to anyone in while."

Despite his discomfort, Armin looked even more enthusiastic. "All the more reason to write!"

"To every single one of them?"

"To every single one of them."

Jean sighed and rubbed his eyes. He's not sure if Armin understands the situation he's in. Everyone in his family is so disconnected. Sending them a letter out of the blue just makes the situation even more awkward. He's not even sure if he knows what to write.

"Do you think it's a bad idea?" Armin asked, his brows furrowing together.

"Well … I mean -"

"I think you should still do it," Armin said firmly, cutting Jean's protest. "You could rekindle ties with everyone and," here he hesitated before taking a deep breath, "and at least you'll be able to talk to them before anything … bad happens."

Right. They _could_ easily die at any time. All of a sudden, Jean was reminded of someone who was his best friend in the past … He still had so many things to say but his friend's life was taken away from him in a flash. The regret and sorrow still stinged.

"Hah," Jean tightened his grip on the cup with quivering hands. "I suppose you are right."

Armin noticed the trembling and was alarmed. Was he alright? "Jean -"

The other boy chugged down the cup of water and stood up fast. Maybe a little too fast because he swayed a little. Armin rushed over, catching his elbow.

"I'm just really tired. I'm sorry." Jean murmured under his breath.

Armin took the cup from him, prying his fingers from it gently. "Perhaps you should go to bed, now."

Nodding, Jean wordlessly went to the door. He spun around to look at Armin who was still standing there watching him with an expression of deep concern. He found it funny how someone who barely knew him could still be so worried. Oddly, he found it heart-warming too, and Jean suddenly felt overcome with a surge of emotion.

But before anyone could see his own expression clearly, he turned back and let himself out.

Strange. The air now felt less chilly. Shuffling slowly down the corridor and into his dorm, Jean slid back into bed and fell into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 over with a nice Jearmin moment at the end as he relates his past. Perhaps it was because Armin did the same with Jean yesterday? Hopefully Day 3 will be a little more light-hearted seeing as poor Jean was really upset remembering Marco ...


	3. Nine days

Perplexed, the Survey Corps returned back to Headquarters. It was only 3 but training had been cut short. No one was complaining but everyone was buzzing possible theories why.

Upon entering the castle, everyone was gathered at the cafeteria. Levi along with Hange and Erwin Smith stood at the front.

"I don't think they are gathering us here for tea break," Eren said wryly beside Armin.

"Attention, soldiers!" Erwin raised a hand, his booming voice silencing the chatter. "I have an important announcement to make."

"Christmas time is upon us," he continued. "And it is our duty as soldiers to not only protect mankind but to bring hope and joy to the country also. The Survey Corps have a tradition of celebrating Christmas by visiting an orphanage in the Karanes District located within Wall Rose.

For this Christmas, we will be performing Christmas carols and a play. This will be completely made up of your efforts and therefore, all of you will be taking part in this activity. Training is thus cancelled for rehearsal time until Sunday, which is when you will perform."

Murmurings broke out among the soldiers. Some sceptical, others enthusiastic. Erwin held up a hand for silence again.

"I will now appoint the leader in charge of this charity," Erwin paused. "Armin Arlert."

Heads whipped around to look at Armin who stared at Erwin in complete shock.

 _Did he just call out my name?_ His heartbeat started to speed up.

"He just called out your name!" Eren cheered, thumping his friend on the back.

Taking his cue, the rest of the soldiers clapped and whistled too.

"Congratulations," smiled Mikasa as she put a hand on his shoulder.

Armin had never wished so hard for a hole to open up on the ground and swallow him whole from this existence. What was Erwin thinking … putting him in charge? Armin had zero experience scripting and directing a play. And singing in the shower was the closest he had ever gotten to performing a song.

He bit his lip and tried his best not to bury his head in his hands. The soldiers were dismissed and everyone patted Armin on the back and shoulders on the way out. He didn't feel ready for such a heavy responsibility.

"The whole programme should last an hour," Levi said in a deadpan voice as he passed Armin. "Good luck."

Soon, only Eren, Mikasa and Armin were left standing in the cafeteria.

"Hey, come on. I know what you're thinking …" Eren crossed his arms, reading his best-friend's expression.

"You're not going to mess up," Mikasa agreed. "You'll be fine. And you can always rely on us for help."

Eren slung an arm around his shoulders. "Yeah! Take it easy. We're going to be performing for kids. They'll like anything!"

Forcing a smile, Armin nodded. "Y-yeah … it'll be - I'll … try my best."

With encouragement from his friends, they made their way to the library to look for ideas.

"What exactly are we looking for again?" Eren asked from the back of the room.

"Any Christmas story!" Armin replied, and went back to running his finger across the book spines on a shelf.

After an hour of searching, the three of them gathered a few books which were laid on a table for Armin's inspection. He immediately rejected those that were too thick. The play shouldn't go beyond 20 minutes as they needed time for costume changes and carolling.

Soon, after flipping through the remaining books, Armin decided on one entitled "The Nutcracker".

Eren wiped his brow. "Phew! Are we all set then?"

Armin frowned. "I still have to adapt this book into a play …"

Eren looked confused. "Can't you just -"

"Why don't we leave Armin to work on it? He needs to come up with a script," Mikasa spoke quickly as a look of comprehension crossed Eren's face.

"Do you need help with that?" Eren asked.

Armin shook his head, smiling. "It's okay. You guys go wash up and have dinner. It's almost time anyway."

After convincing Eren and Mikasa to leave, Armin carried the book to a couch, sat down and began to read. The story itself was interesting enough to hold a child's attention … but he was worried if the Survey Corps could carry it through clearly.

The script would have to be easy enough to understand and act out. Armin massaged his temples. It was going to be one long night …

 

* * *

 

Armin rubbed his eyes sleepily. It was already 9 but he was still working on the script. At least he had already written 3 quarters of it. However, he could feel his eyelids getting heavier. It was time for a short break.

He picked up the bowl from which he ate the porridge Mikasa and Eren had brought him. He'll go to the pantry and wash it. Hopefully he could also find something to drink.

And to his pleasant surprise, Armin found more cocoa powder from which he made some hot chocolate. Carrying a steaming mug full of it, he walked out of the pantry, turned the corner and collided with someone hard.

Caught off guard, Armin was knocked to the ground as the hot chocolate spilt all over his clothes. It burnt and he cried out in pain.

Someone cursed and swiftly knelt down beside Armin, removing his jacket and shirt. It turned out to be Jean.

He gently touched a finger to Armin's stomach which was red from the hot liquid, causing him to wince slightly.

"I'm sorry," Jean removed his hand quickly. "Stay here, I'll get a cool washcloth."

Seconds later, Jean returned with a damp cloth. Armin willed himself not to spill any tears. His skin burnt and the floor was cold. It didn't help that he was without a shirt in winter either.

Jean noticed the trembling and goosebumps. "Can you walk?" he asked. "I'll take you to the library."

With his help, Armin managed to get on his feet. With Jean carrying his stained clothes and damp cloth, Armin held his shirt from his free elbow as the two made their way slowly to the library. Fortunately, a fire was already going so they both felt immediately warmer.

There, Jean instructed Armin to sit on the couch by the fire.

"What, what about the spilt ch - chocolate?" Armin stammered.

Jean looked at him as if he were crazy. "Leave it, you're hurt. I'll clean it later."

"But -"

"It was my fault. I should have been more careful."

Then, he slowly touched the washcloth onto Armin's stomach. The boy gasped and tensed up in pain.

"I'm sorry," Jean said through gritted teeth as he wiped the burnt area. "Please try to relax."

Armin looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. Slowly, the coolness of the cloth took away the searing heat. The pain eventually dulled until all Armin could feel was the soft cloth on his stomach.

Jean took away the cloth to scrutinise the injury. "It's still red but I don't think it'll scar." Then, he lifted his ochre eyes to Armin's. They were filled with anxiety. "Does it still hurt?"

Armin felt embarrassed all of a sudden. Instinctively, he lifted a hand to cover his mouth with a loose fist. "No …"

Jean sighed getting up. "It'll probably hurt when you touch it. Try not to."

Armin nodded, looking away.

"I'll go get bandages and clean up the chocolate. Stay here and don't move." And with that, Jean dashed out of the library.

Now that he was alone, Armin started to think, his mind working furiously. Why on earth did he get so embarrassed for? He looked down at his stomach. Maybe it was because he didn't have abs …? Armin shook his head. No, that's not it. Was he just conscious of people seeing his naked skin? But … he's showered with almost everyone before.

Has he ever been in the same shower as Jean though? The thought suddenly both made him nervous and shy.

However, before he could think further about the matter, the double doors flew open as Jean entered with a roll of bandages and a cooling ointment in his hand.

Silently, he bent down and applied the ointment with two fingers. The coolness of it made Armin gasp and he looked away again, his embarrassment intensifying.

Jean then told Armin to sit up and promptly wrapped the bandages around his stomach, finally tucking it in.

"How does it feel?" Jean asked.

Armin found himself stammering again. "Yes … uh. I mean, okay. Wait. Umm … it - it's feeling better."

Jean sat onto the wooden floor, sighing deeply. "Good. I'm sorry for crashing into you just now."

Armin shook his head quickly. "It was my fault too, I didn't look round the corner."

"Nah," the other boy looked apologetic. "I should have slowed while turning the corner. Was walking pretty fast … all I was thinking was getting more food."

Struggling to come up with something to say, Armin remembered Jean was just sick yesterday and abruptly asked if he was feeling better.

 _He's asking about my health while he's hurt?_ Amazed, Jean nodded. "Yeah, I was fine by the morning. Thanks ..."

Once again a silence had fallen between them. Both had run out of things to say. Armin crossed his arms self-consciously. It wasn't cold but he wished he had something to cover himself.

"You're cold?" Jean caught sight of his crossed arms and immediately removed his jacket, draping it over Armin.

"Thanks …" For some reason, Armin couldn't bring himself to look at Jean.

Jean laughed nervously. "Sorry about your clothes."

"It's fine, at least the jacket's not ruined."

Then, Jean noticed a candle burning away on the table. The wax was almost gone but he could still see a mess of papers lying on it.

"Are you working on something?" Jean asked, walking over.

"The play we're performing," Armin replied, getting up with a wince.

Jean brushed a hand through his hair, feeling stupid. "Oh! Right …"

He hovered around the table, trying the read the script as Armin sat down on the chair. Then, on a whim, Jean blurted out. "Can I help?"

A little surprised, Armin froze, then nodded. "I suppose …" he took up a quill, subconsciously biting on the nib. "I do need some help with casting."

"What are the roles?"

Armin gathered up a bunch of papers and handed it to Jean. "Here, you can read this while I finish the rest of the script. You can get a sense of what the story is and who the characters are."

Pulling a chair over, Jean sat down opposite Armin and began to read. He had no idea what had possessed him to offer his help since he had no experience in such a field and didn't really know Armin anyway …

Well, sure he did discuss his family issues with him and they had gotten to know each other a little better but it was still weird to suddenly want to help him out of the blue. But perhaps it was because he had knocked over Armin? Could the guilt of burning him contributed to his impromptu offer of help?

Thinking back, Jean did feel extremely bad for doing that and his immediate desire was to ease the boy's pain. Hence his treating the wound. However, that was also an abnormal course of action for him to take. Usually, if something like that happened with anyone else, Jean would have just offered the cloth, ointment and bandages to the wounded and asked if he needed help treating it. But with Armin, he had removed his jacket and shirt without asking and started to treat the burn without his permission.

Jean instantly felt embarrassed for no apparent reason. Was it due to his brashness? His infringement on Armin's personal space? His mind went over the image of him putting the ointment on his stomach. It was really soft … and really smooth. And there was a line running down from the middle … He involuntarily looked up at Armin. His jacket was draped around the boy's slender shoulders. It was too big for him and Armin was clutching the fabric together as he worked on the script. An odd, indescribable feeling possessed him.

Jean jumped and shook his head violently. The chair scratched on the floor, causing Armin to look up questioningly. Jean smiled nervously and indicated there was nothing wrong.

He forced himself to start reading the script. Why was he getting so distracted?

For a few minutes, the room was silent save for the crackling fire, Armin's quill scratching on the paper and the occasional turning of pages by Jean.

Finally, Armin heaved a long sigh and stretched out, only to quickly hunch over in pain.

"Armin?" Jean said, alarmed.

The boy clutched at his stomach. "I forgot I burnt myself …" he laughed sheepishly. "Anyway, I finished the script!"

Jean took the pieces of paper Armin held out and swiftly glanced through it. He gave a firm nod and a thumbs up. "It's good."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Jean smiled reassuringly and Armin smiled back.

Clearing his throat, Jean arranged all the papers in order, straightened them and handed it to Armin.

"So … uhh," Armin started. "Do you have any ideas on who we should cast?"

"Well, I have a rough idea," Jean folded his hands and leaned back on his chair. "But I think you should discuss it with everyone too, to get their consent."

Armin nodded, "I'll do that tomorrow." Then, he cocked his head to the side. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Mmm."

Jean looked undecided. "Uhh … is it alright if I …"

Armin laughed. "No. Everyone has to take part remember?"

Then Jean lit up, an idea suddenly striking him. "I know! I could just do props. That's still taking part in the production, right? And who else is going to build all these elaborate sets?"

Armin's eyes shone. "That works!" He got up and walked round the table, sticking out a hand.

"Well, then. I look forward to working with you, Propmaster."

Jean shook his hand and answered confidently. "Me too, Director."

 _Oh no …_  he thought after the handshake.  _What had he gotten himself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arguably my favourite chapter so far. A lot of unplanned moments but I think it worked out well. XD


	4. Eight days

Eren gave a whoop and cheered. "I get to be a magician? That's so cool!"

"I'm Marie? I get to dance with my lovely prince, Connie, you say?" Sasha feigned a swoon and Connie burst out laughing.

"The Nutcracker. But yes … he is essentially the Prince," Armin corrected.

Everyone was chattering excitedly as Armin handed out everybody's roles. So far, no one has objected to the characters they have been assigned to which was a relief. He caught Jean's eye who was standing at the back of the room, away from the crowd and smiled. He certainly knew how to match personalities to the different roles.

He was right to have accepted Jean's help. His strong leadership skills was due to his acumen and ability to read people after all.

Then, Armin found Historia looking confused among the crowd. He approached her quickly.

"Hey, Historia," he said, touching her shoulder lightly. "Is it alright if you helped Jean out with the props?"

Historia's confusion disappeared, replaced by an understanding smile. "Oh! That's why I wasn't assigned a role. Sure, I'll do it!"

Armin grinned, it seemed like everyone knew what they were going to be doing and are satisfied with their characters. Now, the real work begins …

"Cut!" Armin yelled, stopping the production halfway.

"Mikasa, could you add more emotion into your lines please?"

"Which one?"

Armin refrained from sighing. "All of them. You only have 2 anyway. Let's start from after Marie dances with the Nutcracker."

Sasha and Connie immediately sprang to their feet and held each other dramatically.

"No!" Armin said, exasperated. "As in, the toy Nutcracker. In other words, the doll you were just holding. And Connie, you're supposed to be offstage …"

Armin frowned as he watched the cast act out the play. They had pushed all the tables and chairs in the cafeteria to the sides to create space for the rehearsal. Sadly, that was the only thing they did right. Looking at how the play was proceeding, it was heading towards disaster …

"Let me try it. I'll break a few nuts!" Mikasa snatches the doll away from Sasha and pretends to accidentally break it.

Oh? He could hear some emotion now.

"Look what you did! You broke my doll!" Sasha cried, faking a sob.

"Nutcracker!" Armin corrected.

"Sorry Marie," Mikasa looked to the ground.

That works, Armin thought. They are all wearing the appropriate expressions.

Soon, Armin finished overseeing Act 1 and told everyone to take five. This was the first time it had gone relatively smoothly. Perhaps there was some hope after all.

Armin decided to check on the props. He headed to the library where Jean and Krista were working at.

"How's the Nutcracker coming along?" He asked, opening the double doors.

Jean held up the wooden soldier dressed in felt.

"That looks good!" Armin clapped his hands together, delighted.

"Historia did a fine job with the clothes," Jean smiled at Krista who sat at the table surrounded by a bundle of cloth. She smiled shyly.

"Thanks Krista," Armin said sincerely. Then, he asked if he could use it for rehearsal.

"Not yet," Jean replied. "Wait till the glue dries. In the meantime, look at the backdrops I've been painting!"

Armin peered over his shoulder, admiring a backdrop of a house decorated for Christmas and another which was unfinished.

"Still working on this one," Jean explained. "I have no idea what the Land of Sweets look like though."

Historia who had gotten up from her chair, hurried over. "Want some help?" she asked, already picking up a brush. "I might have an idea," she gave Jean a bright smile.

"S, sure …" Jean said, scratching his head and moving over to give her some room. However, Historia only edged herself closer, closing the gap.

Armin wasn't sure if she did it subconsciously or consciously but he suddenly felt perturbed. Quickly passing it off as nerves, he awkwardly told them they were making good progress, thanked them and headed off back to the cafeteria.

Now on to Act 2.

 

* * *

 

Jean stood proudly before his creation. Admiring his masterpiece. He had successfully painted two sets in one day. Although, he did have some help from Historia who painted the detailed sweets and candy canes on the fluffy cotton candy.

"We're almost done!" He told Historia, running his finger down a list of items they had to make. All that was left were the actual parcels of the Christmas presents and costumes.

"How are the costumes doing?" He asked her.

Historia grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the table. "Ta-dah!" A multitude of costumes lay in front of him in colourful fabric.

"What do you think?"

"That's amazing!" He answered honestly, picking up one that was meant for the Nutcracker in animated form. "This is Connie's right?"

Historia nodded eagerly. She seemed delighted. Jean couldn't help but notice how close she was standing to him again and moved away, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"So uhh … what about all the mice?"

"Oh, I haven't got to those yet," Historia bowed her head. "I've only finished the costumes for the main characters. I'll finish it all later."

Just then, the double doors flew open with a bang and Armin rushed in looking frenzied.

"Is everything -" Jean started.

"No," Armin grabbed his hair, running towards Jean. "I forgot to compile the setlist for the carols!"

Historia clamped a hand over her mouth. "Oh no. It's almost 5!"

"There isn't much time," Armin said shoving the script into Jean's hands. "I'm going to go do that now. In the meantime, could you help stand in for me?"

"As …" Jean looked wholly bewildered. "As the Director?"

"Yes!"

"You mean," he tried to wrap his mind around the idea. "I'd have to direct the play?"

Armin nodded frantically. "Just help me oversee the third and fourth act. They're the shortest and you should have no problem …" then, he glanced away.

"Okay," he admitted at last. "Knowing them, there might be some issues. But you'll do fine and they'll get it after some coaxing!"

Then, Armin clapped his hands together above his head. "Please!" He bowed his head. "There's no one else who knows the script in its entirety."

Historia gave Jean a little push forward. "Go on. I'll be fine here."

"You sure?" Jean looked at her for confirmation. She nodded. Then, he turned back to Armin. "Umm .. alright, I guess -"

"Thank you!" Armin yelled, already running off.

As Jean headed towards the cafeteria, he wondered for the second time in two days what he had gotten himself into …

 

* * *

 

"Why do you get to direct the play, Kirstein?"

"Why do you get to push us around, huh?"

"Horseface!"

"Yeah, yeah." Jean closed his eyes, took a deep breath and roared, "CUT IT OUT."

He glowered at everyone in the room. All them annoying bastards. It was so hard to get their cooperation. "Listen! I get to push you around because your Director put me in charge!"

"Armin?" Eren yelled back. "Why would he put you in charge?"

Jean crossed his arms. "Yes, Jaeger. Your best pal left me in charge. Because I was there while he wrote the script and helped cast it, while you were snoring away!"

There was a hushed silence. Eren was confused. What? Was he with Armin in the library? When? Wanting more answers, he started to open his mouth but felt Mikasa's hand on his shoulder.

"Let's trust Jean. I believe Armin had a reason for this," she said under her breath.

Grudgingly, he nodded.

Jean walked to the front of the cafeteria and climbed onto a chair place there. "Now if there are no more questions, everyone take your places for Act 3!"

Minutes later, Jean had successfully gotten the soldiers to start working. Act 3 was tricky because there was choreography to oversee due to the amount of dancing that was involved in a particular scene.

"No! Wait - okay. Cut! CUT!" Jean yelled, hurrying over to break up the fight that had ensued between Eren and Connie.

"He stepped on my foot first!" Eren claimed angrily as Jean pulled the two apart.

"You were getting in the way!" Connie glared.

"I'm sorry but the world doesn't revolve around -"

Connie stuck out his tongue. "Actually, the script says all the candy are to dance around the Nutcracker and Marie!"

"I don't even get why I have to play two roles as the magician and a blasted candy cane!"

Jean rubbed the bridge of his nose as the two continued to argue heatedly. He was about to blow when someone tapped him from behind.

It was Historia, holding a bundle of costumes. "I've just finished the mice's costumes." Then, she frowned at the fight. "What's going on?"

"They're arguing because both of them are clumsy and horrible at dancing."

Historia looked thoughtful. "Why not have the sweets dance first, followed by the Nutcracker and Marie?"

Jean looked as if he had the solution to every problem in the world. Putting his hands on Historia's shoulders, he shook her gently. "That's brilliant!"

"Hah?" Connie and Eren looked over, scowling.

Jean clapped his heads together for everyone's attention. Time to make some changes …

 

* * *

 

Armin searched the large storage warehouse with much fervour. There must be something here to help him …

Soon, he began to perspire furiously as he sifted through the junk. There was so much dust and objects covered in weird substances. Armin was beginning to wish he had brought gloves and a piece of cloth to cover his nose with.

Then, he began to feel a huge sneeze building up inside him.

Letting it go, the sneeze made him stumble backwards. Armin tripped on something and yelped. He fell backwards into a pile of boxes, causing them to tumble down all over him. Armin held up his hands to shield himself.

Luckily, none of them were heavy and they didn't bruise him. Armin struggled to his feet. Just then, he spotted a cardboard box with the lid half open. Through the crack, he thought he saw something shine. Curious, he approached it and opened the box.

To his utter surprise, Armin found himself staring at an aged gramophone.

Taking it out, he inspected it under a pool of light that had fallen in the warehouse. The brass was starting to rust but everything else seemed to be in working condition. Then, something else caught his eye.

Reaching into the very bottom of the box, Armin lifted up what the gramophone had been sitting on - records!

He looked through them one by one. Most of them were albums and songs he didn't recognise, though one or two did stand out. Finally, he reached the last one he was holding in his hand. It was labelled "For Christmas".

A jolt of excitement shot through him like electricity. Armin hurriedly took the huge disc from its paper envelope and placed on the gramophone. Then, he wound it up and adjusted the needle as the record spun.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas … everywhere you goooooo." A voice warbled out in time with the festive instrumentals.

Armin clapped his hands in delight and couldn't help letting out a squeal. He couldn't believe he had found this treasure! He could use some of the songs in here for tomorrow's performance!

"Take a look in the five-and-ten, glistening once again …" Armin stood and started to waltz around happily.

He wasn't much of a dancer but hearing the Christmas songs added even more festive cheer to the season. He spun around, stumbled and caught himself. Armin giggled at his own actions.

Finally, he sat down and started to listen to all the tracks. The sun was just beginning to set when he eventually decided on three songs.

Armin rushed to the library in excitement. Flinging open the double doors, he realised Jean wasn't here and remembered he had asked him to help direct the play while he was gone.

As he reached the cafeteria, a most astonishing sight greeted him. The soldiers were rehearsing Act 3 and looked well practiced. Even the steps looked polished. However, they were all supposed to be dancing around a waltzing Marie and the Nutcracker, which they weren't doing. Where were Sasha and Connie?

Slightly confused, Armin spotted Jean and hurried over.

"Oh, hey Armin!" Jean grinned. "The play looks good, eh?"

Armin frowned. "Isn't Sasha and Connie -"

"Right!" Jean interrupted halfway. "I know you had scripted their dancing in this part but it's too crowded with everyone on stage and accidents are bound to happen. So …"

Jean waved Historia over who had been sitting on a chair watching the play. "Historia here," Jean gestured, "had come up with the amazing idea to separate the dancing!"

"What?" Armin blinked.

"To minimise accidents! Isn't that brilliant?" Jean clapped Historia lightly on the back.

She beamed at Jean and then gave a small smile towards Armin, realising he was still there.

Armin suddenly felt a prickle of irritation.

Noticing he was speechless, Jean decided to prompt him. "Is anything wrong? Do you not like the idea?"

As much as Armin would like to say "no" for some reason, Historia's idea was actually really good thinking on her part. Squashing down on his out-of-place sense of annoyance, he forced a smile back at Historia.

"It works great!"

Happily, Historia clapped her hands together as Jean praised her again.

Armin sighed as he walked past them. He had to pull himself together. There was still much to do.

After overseeing the fourth act which Jean had helped rehearse prior to Armin's return, he dismissed the soldiers and told them to meet early Sunday morning to rehearse their carolling before they head off in the evening to the orphanage.

Then, he walked back to the warehouse and picked up the box which he had packed the gramophone and records in. Carrying it to the library, Armin sat down and began to write the lyrics for the songs he chose.

Let it Snow, Here Comes Santa Claus and Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

Putting the record on, Armin started to scribble down the lyrics for tomorrow's rehearsal. As he let himself get lost in the music, he started to drift off too, eventually dreaming about reindeer, crackling fire and ochre eyes …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could it be ... you're getting jealous, Armin? XD


	5. Seven days

Jean violently shook his head. Nuh-uh. No way he was doing this.

"Come on, Jean! Don't be such a wet blanket!" Eren rolled his eyes.

"No one cares if you have a horrific voice!" Connie added, laughing.

Historia smiled patiently. "Besides, everybody's doing it!"

"Look," Jean spoke irritably. "The rules says everyone has to participate. And I am! I'm doing the props remember?"

Armin groaned. "There are no props needed for carolling!"

"I don't want to do it, okay?"

Glowering, Armin gestured for everyone to start packing and getting ready. The soldiers would have to depart Headquarters by 5 and it was already 4. Hopefully everyone can freshen up too before they leave.

And what is it with Jean and singing anyway? Armin just couldn't comprehend how someone could be that obstinate about something. It's not like it's life-threatening.

At first, he had thought Jean just doesn't know the lyrics and is thus uncomfortable with singing along. However, after a few hours of rehearsing, Armin noticed his mouth was moving, but still hasn't sang a note.

"You're not even trying," said Armin flatly after approaching Jean.

Jean's face darkened as he crossed his arms. "I'm not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood!"

"I'm sorry, Armin. Singing's just not my thing okay?" Jean said tiredly. He wished everybody would just get off his back already. Hasn't he made his point clear enough?

"At least I'm mouthing along …"

Armin crossed his arms, he seemed to be pouting a little which Jean found oddly … charming.

"It's not good enough. Everyone should be able to partake in Christmas cheer …" There was a pause. Armin's tone suddenly became warning, "I'm not giving back your jacket until you sing."

Jean laughed. "My jacket? The one you borrowed? You returned it me late last night, remember?"

Jogging his memory, Armin did recall catching Jean outside his dorm and returning his jacket. It must have slipped his mind seeing as there was a lot going on … Armin scowled. His threat had been rendered ineffective.

"How's your injury though?" Jean asked suddenly.

Armin hunched up his shoulders nervously, remembering how Jean had tended to it that night. "Uhh … it - it's healing - W, wait! Don't change the subject!"

Jean looked away quickly, refusing to meet Armin's angry gaze. He decided to stay silent.

"Fine! Don't sing then!"

Frustrated, Armin marched off.

Despite still being annoyed, Jean allowed a little smile curling at the corners of his lips. Seeing a usually calm person at their wits' end was entertaining. Then, he realised that the thought was actually really disturbing and shook his head quickly.

Sighing again, he headed off to pack. Perhaps he should consider seeing a psychiatrist.

 

* * *

 

The soldiers promptly headed off to Karanes District at 5. Once again, they had cleared out all the Titans in the area in the morning but they still rode in formation, looking out for any danger. The strategy was to avoid and not engage.

Jean couldn't see Armin riding amongst the soldiers but he was sure he's still upset about his unwillingness to sing.

He felt a little bad but was still resolute in his decision not to. At least he's mouthing the words along. No one can really tell there's one person not singing. But Armin was just so darn insistent on everybody participating in the Christmas cheer. It was … a little annoying. Christmas has always been too much of a bother and Jean only hoped everyone will respect his decision for once.

By 6, the soldiers had reached the orphanage successfully. Although they did see a few Titans on the way, all of them were far into the distance and never approached the Survey Corps. So fortunately for all of them, they had arrived unscathed.

The performance was to be held in the dining hall where the tables have also been cleared to make a pseudo stage area. The children, ages 3 to 12, sat on the floor, eagerly waiting.

Backstage, which was the kitchens, the soldiers, dressed in their costumes, stood ready. Jean and Historia made their rounds around them to fix last-minute adjustments and check that everything was in place.

Finally, it was time for the show to start. Wheeling out the backdrop with Historia, Jean set it down in place as the children clapped.

Following that, the actors hurried up to take their places.

Jean and Historia met Armin in the kitchen just as the soldiers started the play. Jean noticed Armin was a little white.

"Armin," he sighed. "Relax. They're going to be fine."

The other boy nodded, but didn't remove his eyes from the crack in the door as he watched the play. He continued to perspire profusely. So far so good.

"Godfather, did you bring me a gift?" Sasha asked sweetly.

"Sure, I did … ta-dah!" Eren exclaimed, and with a flourish, produced the Nutcracker toy from behind his cape.

The children clapped in glee.

Armin allowed himself a small smile. The roles fit everyone perfectly. Perhaps he really did have nothing to fear. Turning his head around and catching Jean's eye, he gave a thumbs up.

Historia who was watching the play beside Armin, giggled. "Want to watch them too?"

"I can hear them," Jean replied. "So it's okay."

"Wouldn't it be more -"

"Shhhh!" Armin whipped around to glare at them.

Jean smiled nervously and muttered an apology. Historia pouted. Then, she went over to tap Armin on the shoulder to excuse herself to the bathroom.

"Now?" Armin wasn't keen on letting her. "But the act's almost over. We need your help with their costume changes."

And as soon as he had said that, he heard loud clapping and the soldiers walking towards the door. He jumped back just in time, pulling Historia out of the way too, as the door flung open.

Armin winced a little, sudden movements like that don't agree with the burn on his stomach.

The soldiers started to cheer inside the kitchen and Armin hushed them.

"Change and prepare for Act 2 please! You all have 5 minutes!"

The soldiers dispersed quickly as Jean and Historia handed out their costumes. Armin kept watch on the time. 2 minutes left …

1 minute …

The soldiers returned, most of them as mice, Connie as the Nutcracker Prince and Mikasa as the Mouse King. Armin ushered all of them out of the kitchen for the second act.

He barely heard Historia mutter something as she excused herself to the washroom.

"Who turned on the Christmas tree lights? What's that noise?" Sasha gasped.

Armin nodded. Good, she sounded convincingly scared enough. He watched as the mice came out from behind the tree, led by Mikasa, the Mouse King as the Nutcracker and his own troop of two soldiers stepped onto the stage.

Mikasa silently pointed at the Nutcracker and the mice charged.

"En guarde!" Connie yelled, raising a cardboard musket as they started to do battle.

Armin bit his lip. It was going really well, actually …

Then suddenly, Sasha took off her slipper and threw it at the Mouse King … except that it didn't land on Mikasa. It hit Connie, who was distracted and flailed.

He tripped over someone's foot and fell, crashing into one soldier which crashed into the next.

Armin shrieked silently from behind the crack in the kitchen door. He was watching a domino-effect of disaster happening right in front of him.

Jean rushed over, hearing the commotion outside. "What happened?"

Armin stood aside, giving him space to look through the crack. "I can't watch …" he whispered in a strangled voice.

Jean saw the soldiers falling one by one, finally hitting Sasha who had stood rooted to the ground, wide-eyed with shock. She screamed as she hit the floor too. Finally, Connie struggled to his feet and limped over to Mikasa who had sat up. He swung his musket at her, faking hitting her as she pretended to collapse once more onto the ground.

He then limped over to Sasha, kneeled and took her hand.

"Come, Marie! We were victorious!"

The children cheered.

Jean now jumped aside, pulling Armin with him as the soldiers came into the kitchen. Everyone looked glum and unhappy.

Armin clenched his fists. He had to stay strong and keep everyone's spirits up.

"You guys did a great job!"

Everyone stared at him, unconvinced.

"Hear that?" Armin gestured to the door. "The children are still cheering. You guys did a great job and finished even more spectacularly after that huge fall. Congratulations on managing to complete the second act after such an accident!"

The soldiers smiled and started to look happier. Armin let his tense shoulders relax. He was glad to be able to encourage everyone after what had happened.

Jean suddenly stepped forward, noticing not everyone was smiling. "Wait, but who's injured?"

Several hands were raised.

Armin and Jean quickly went over to see what had happened. Fortunately, these injuries were superficial and would heal with some rest by tomorrow although they may still remain sore from the bruising. The two of them set to work by assigning their roles in the third act to other soldiers who were not involved in it.

"You guys don't have to dance," Armin addressed the soldiers filling in as they had no idea what the dance steps were. "Just stand to the side and clap your hands and make simple movements, alright?"

The soldiers nodded and so Armin sent them all off to change the backdrop and begin Act 3 with all the dancing candy.

Then, Jean caught Armin's shoulder, turning him around.

"Sasha and Connie are injured," he said worriedly.

The two rushed over to where they were seated. The other soldiers with injuries were trying to help them stand.

"Sit down!" Armin waved at them to stop. He approached Sasha and Connie. "Where are you two injured?"

Sasha winced. "I sprained my right leg."

Connie groaned. "I sprained my left."

Armin bit his lip again. There was no way they could go up on stage. He looked around for any soldiers to replace them but the kitchen was empty, save for the injured.

Right. They were all now performing the first part of Act 3.

Historia! An idea struck him.

"Historia?" he peered around the room.

"She went off to the washroom, Armin," Jean reminded him.

Armin vaguely recalled her giving an excuse as she left. There wasn't enough time to go searching for her and brief her all before curtain call. He sank to his knees. The play was done for. He was done for.

"Wait," Sasha started. "You two could play Marie and the Prince!"

Armin looked at her, confused.

"What?!" Jean exclaimed. "I'm not gonna -"

"Shut up, Jean!" Connie interjected excitedly. "It would work! You guys could totally fit into our costumes!"

Armin's mental clocked ticked internally as he mind quickly worked out the situation in his head. Eventually, he leapt to his feet.

"We'll do it!" He told Sasha and Connie.

The two of them cheered as they were helped out of the kitchen to change by the soldiers, leaving a shocked Jean and a determined Armin in the kitchen.

"We have to!" Armin said, facing Jean.

Unconvinced, Jean hardened his jaw. "No."

"Please, Jean?" Then, Armin looked guilty. "I'm sorry. I know I've been … uhhh … pushy these days."

Jean remained silent.

"I shouldn't be forcing you to do things especially with the singing. I just wanted everyone to enjoy themselves … you know?" Armin shuffled his feet from side to side. He had been doing some thinking on the way to the orphanage and was ashamed of his actions. He wondered when he ever got so controlling.

"But looking back," he continued, "I realised I shouldn't force people to enjoy themselves because it just makes matters worse. And I understand you have your own reasons for not wanting to sing, so … I'm sorry."

Jean sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I know. And yeah, it was annoying but it's alright now."

"But now, Jean," Armin lifted his head to look at Jean directly. "Now, I really need your help." He grasped at Jean's shirt, taking him aback.

"However," he looked to the side now. "I understand if you don't want to and I will respect your decision."

Jean swallowed. He began to feel flustered and tried to calm himself. He could feel the hands on his shirt shaking a little as they held on tightly. Was Armin's hair always this bright and yellow?

Armin, with his head bowed, waiting for a reply … Jean felt … something. Almost too quickly, he stepped back and took the boy's hand off his shirt.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do it."

Armin brought both his hands to his mouth as his eyes opened wide with surprise, just as two soldiers hurried in with Sasha and Connie's costumes.

"I'm not going to play Marie," Jean told Armin as he grabbed Connie's clothes.

Armin laughed, taking Sasha's. He already knew that.

As soon as they had just finished changing, the kitchen doors were flung open again. Armin grabbed Jean's hand and dashed out of the door, past the bewildered soldiers who were just entering.

"Is that …" Eren stared, unbelieving.

"Jean and Armin?"

"What's going on?"

"Where's Sasha and Connie?"

Historia hurried into the kitchen from another door. "I just saw Sasha in the washroom, she's injured and I think Connie might be too."

The soldiers all rushed to the crack in the door.

On the other side, Jean and Armin came on stage. Or rather, the area of floor that had been marked out as the stage. The children were silent.

Noticing their surprise, the two realised at the same time they looked nothing like Connie and Sasha!

"Uhhh …" Jean started uneasily. "I hope you like your new hairstyle, Marie."

Armin quickly improvised. "I do. Thanks for bringing me to get it. Yours look really good too!" He looked over to the children and smiled.

The children, now convinced gave the two thumbs-ups.

Then, Armin looked over to the three soldiers sitting at the side of the stage. They were each holding instruments and were in charge of the music. He nodded as discreetly as he could for them to begin playing.

Fingers ran across the strings creating a harmony of sounds.

Armin took Jean's hand and placed it on his waist. Taking his cue, Jean lifted Armin's right hand in his left.

Suddenly feeling shy, Armin cast his eyes downwards to the ground. He couldn't believe this was actually happening.

Jean, feeling Armin freeze, stiffened up too. But he realised everyone was watching them as the musicians continuously played in confusion.

"Relax," he whispered in Armin's ear as he forced himself to take a step forward, moving the other boy along with him.

Forcing himself to breathe, Jean tried his best to keep in time with the music as he did a basic waltz series of steps. He wished he had paid more attention to Sasha and Connie's dancing when he was stepping in for Armin yesterday. What else did they do again?

Oh. He remembered Sasha twirling. Jean let go of Armin's waist (which was way too slender for his comfort), and twirled him around. Armin gasped in surprise as he spun.

Suddenly, his knees buckled as he hunched over in pain. It was his injury. Jean swiftly caught Armin and steadied him.

"I got you," he whispered. "You okay?"

Armin nodded, panting though he wasn't out of breath. Speaking of which, feeling Jean's breath on his neck as he whispered in his ear was giving him goosebumps. However, it also did calm him down and Armin decided to focus on his steady breathing and matching his steps to Jean's.

Subconsciously, Armin started to feel more comfortable with the waltzing and allowed himself to be led. The steps became bigger and more free. Their bodies loose and expressive. The children's eyes were on them and probably, so were the soldiers' from behind the kitchen door.

But Armin and Jean have started to stop caring. They were genuinely enjoying themselves. Armin raised his head to look at Jean. Realising Jean had been staring down at him rather intensely, Armin looked away …

Almost coyly, Jean thought. It gave him goosebumps for inexplicable reasons.

Finally, the delicate tune they had been waltzing to came to an end. Jean and Armin stopped moving though they felt like everything around them was still spinning out of control.

Face flushed and panting hard, the stepped away to face the audience. With Jean's left hand still holding Armin's right, the pair bowed, and bowed again to the fervent applause.

Then, they exited the stage and headed towards the kitchen. Realising he was still holding Armin's hand, Jean quickly let go before they headed in.

The soldiers clapped and thumped the both of them on the back. There was some whistling to which Jean shot a dirty look towards.

"Shut up!" Jean said gruffly. "No one say anything!"

"We have to," Armin said in between breaths, "prepare for Act 4."

The soldiers headed out for their last act after a flurry of changing and preparation. Since Sasha was wounded, Armin went on for Act 4 in her place as well.

"It's just … I had a really beautiful dream," Armin said breathlessly.

"And sometimes, dreams come true, dear." Eren, as the magician, said in reply.

Thankfully Act 4 was the shortest act and soon, the soldiers were done with the play. The children leapt to their feet and clapped enthusiastically, cheering as loud as they could as the whole cast came up to bow. Armin's chest welled up with pride as he saw Erwin Smith, seated at the back of the room, giving him a nod of approval.

Buoyed by the success of the play, the soldiers remained on stage, excitedly waiting to begin their next performance.

Armin who had entered the kitchen, came out again carrying a gramophone and a brown paper envelope. He set it on the floor and took the record from the envelope to place it on the gramophone.

Chimes began to ring and lilting flutes began to play. The soldiers started to belt out the lyrics.

"Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful …"

The children, still on their feet, held hands and began to join the soldiers.

Armin, too, was having so much fun that time passed quickly and soon they were on their third and last song. He felt Eren on his left, sliding an arm around his shoulder and noticed everyone doing the same. He beamed at his best friend and Eren grinned back at him.

The soldiers began to sway slowly, left to right, in time with the music.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas …" The soldiers sang with feeling.

"Let your heart be light …"

Armin gasped. He had heard a new voice. Could it be …?

He turned his head slightly to see Jean behind him smiling happily and softly singing along. It was barely audible but …

Jean caught Armin's eye and grinned awkwardly. "What?" He whispered.

Armin giggled and turned back to the front. "Nothing," he whispered to himself.

"Hmm?" Eren looked at Armin who shook his head and continued singing, grinning from ear to ear.

It was already 8 when the soldiers had changed into their regular uniforms and were about to set off for Headquarters. Jean was glad the performance was exactly an hour long. It was within the time limit, and thanks to that, everybody could leave on time. Armin's superb planning skills were definitely under-appreciated.

When the soldiers got to the door as they were about to leave, some children stopped them however and gave them handwritten cards to thank them.

"They made it themselves after your wonderful performance," said the elderly man in charge of the orphanage.

"They were absolutely delighted. Thank you for bringing such joy to the children," his elderly wife beside him shook Erwin's hand.

"It was our pleasure."

 

* * *

 

When Jean returned to his dorm later that night, he was absolutely exhausted. The charity performance was a huge success and Erwin had made it very clear during the debrief that he was proud of what they had all accomplished today. It was unusual for him to do so, but Jean felt a sense of pride. It was a good feeling.

Then, he just remembered how a little girl had given him a card just before they left.

Taking care not to wake the rest of his sleeping dorm-mates, Jean reached under his bed for his trunk where he had stored the card before going to shower.

Fortunately, a beam of moonlight had fallen across his bed, and under it, Jean was able to read what was written.

"Thank you for the show. I was so very, very, happy watching the Nutcracker for the first time. The background was pretty and I also liked the Christmas songs! Love, Ana."

Jean closed the card gently as a pool of emotions began to well up inside of him. He lay on his bed, clutching the card to his chest. For the first time in years, Jean felt the warm, fuzzy feeling in his heart, that Christmas brings. He never realised how much he had missed such a feeling until tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I smell Christmas cheer (for Jean, finally) ... and Jearmin.


	6. Six days

Jean awoke the next day to freezing morning air. Taking in the sharp wintry air of a Monday, he rubbed his eyes blearily. Instantly, he shoved his hands back under the covers. It wasn't just freezing, the cold was harshly biting and nipped at his fingers.

He turned his head towards the window on the other side of the room. His jaw fell open in despair. The wind was howling as snow crashed down in sheets. Jean groaned. He still had a few minutes left before he had to get up right?

Soon, the others began to stir, their own bleary-eyed sight of the raging storm eliciting shocked gasps. Jean pretended to stay asleep as he turned his back so that he faced the wall.

Hearing the last mad scampering of footsteps on the floor as they raced to the bathroom, Jean pulled the covers over his head and stretched underneath it. He reasoned he would have to brave the cold sooner or later and braced himself …

Later Jean wondered, as he cursed colourfully under his breath in the bathroom, (much to the admiration of impressed soldiers around him) if bracing oneself had ever successfully reduced the amount of impending pain.

A while later, Jean was in the cafeteria for breakfast. After getting his tray and sitting down at a table with Connie and Sasha, Jean immediately put his hands on the hot bowl of porridge. Its warmth was comforting.

Unwilling to dig in just yet, he instead distracted himself by allowing his gaze to meander the room. It seemed like he wasn't the only one feeling the cold. Most other soldiers were too, sitting glumly at their tables as they desperately attempted to warm themselves with their breakfast porridge.

There was however, one exception. His eyes landed on a petite figure with blond hair. Armin was sitting tables away with Eren and Mikasa and yet, he could see that he was practically glowing. Bundled up in a maroon scarf, Armin happily ate his breakfast as he chatted with his friends, cheeks flushed and smiling.

For a moment there, Jean thought he looked cute. Then he froze, and it wasn't because of the weather. Since when did Armin look cute? Armin  _shouldn't_ be looking cute, bundled up and smiling in that silly wool scarf.

As Jean considered the possibility that his prior cold may have damaged his brain permanently, he almost didn't notice Armin looking at him and half-raising a hesitant hand to shyly wave at him.

Feeling awkward, Jean managed a grin back though it probably looked more like he was having a seizure for Sasha and Connie began to look at him with some alarm.

Thankfully, an announcement suddenly made by Levi made it so that Jean didn't need to come up with a response. Striding in brazenly, with an air of what some may even call arrogance, Levi declared that in light of the blizzard outside, training had been cancelled and instead, everyone was under cleaning duty today.

Throwing scathing looks at just about everybody in the place, Levi assigned parts of the castle under each squad to clean and informed where soldiers can collect various cleaning equipment. Then, he left the cafeteria, but not before dragging Eren away. Mikasa and Armin stared dejectedly after him.

Jean finally tore his eyes away from the Golden Trio, well, Duo now, turning to his porridge. He pondered if he'll ever be able to understand how that feels. Sure, he's on friendly terms with everyone here but after what happened to … his best friend then, he just couldn't find the will or the energy to open up as much. Life became a lot bleaker.

Besides, he wasn't really interested in forming closer ties with the hyper, energetic idiots here; he was surprised to find there were so many of them in such a place. He wondered how Armin ever withstood Eren and if he had the patience to one day do it too.

Nah, he decided he wasn't ever going to be ready to become a martyr.

Smirking at his private joke, Jean returned his tray and reported to his Squad leader.

"You're early," Ness said.

One by one, the rest of his teammates arrived. Mikasa and Armin coming in last. It looked like they were discussing something with much fervour.

"Right! Uhh …" Ness waved his hand for attention. "Today, you guys will be cleaning the fourth floor corridors. That means all the dorm rooms and storage rooms. Yes, even the ones that have been and are still unused. Okay, now get to work, kids."

The squad grabbed pails, brooms, mops and various pieces of cloth before dispersing. Jean too, tied a white cloth around his head to act as a mask and went on his merry way.

After all, at least they didn't have to clean the shower rooms.

 

* * *

 

Armin was concerned. Deeply concerned. Not just for Eren, but for Mikasa too. She's gotten a little more … impatient these days.

Though, that impatience  _can_ be justified.

Eren had never been anything but a good friend and a loyal and passionate soldier. Yet, they are still running all these tests on him. Furthermore, Levi was keeping such a tight hold on Eren, they hardly get to see him these days.

Hence, Mikasa almost spoke out in anger and protest when Levi had commanded Eren to clean with him in the basement.

Sighing, Armin continued to sweep down the corridor. Mikasa had gone off to find Eren, leaving him alone. Not that he particularly minded. Being alone can be nice too. It was good enjoying some peace of mind. And, and …

Armin gripped his broom harder. He should stop dwelling on this and focus on the cleaning.

A while later, he realised he had gone quite a ways from where he'd started. The rest of the soldiers were still on the other end of the corridor or cleaning the rooms. He wondered if he should go back.

But then, he decided against it. Besides, he didn't really know or talked to anyone else besides Eren and Mikasa … and they were not around right now.

Furious at himself for missing them, Armin turned back to his sweeping. Finally, he reached the end of the corridor, and noticed not a wall, but a door staring at him.

It almost blended in since it was of the same colour as the grey stone walls. However, standing right in front of it, Armin could make out the faint outline of the frame and a wooden handle. It was covered in cobwebs and dust.

Brushing it off, Armin's curiosity got the better of him and he decided to take a look at what was inside.

To his surprise, the door wasn't locked, and save for a squeak on its rusty hinges, Armin slipped in quietly and easily. However, he also made sure to wedge his broom in between the door and the wall to prevent it from closing.

It was for practical reasons. Armin didn't imagine he would enjoy accidentally locking himself in or losing his sense of sight in a place with zero light.

Once inside, Armin felt a rising panic due to his slight claustrophobia and clamped down on it. The room was tiny and more rectangular than square. If Armin reached out both his arms to the side, he could touch the walls. After his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, looking around, he concluded he must have stumbled across a storage room. A multitude of queer and foreign objects on the shelves greeted him. They were all dusty or worn and looked like they haven't seen the light for decades.

He looked through them with a burning interest. Old journals and books, a wooden mug, parchment, a pile of shirts, buttons … They were all unrelated items. Armin decided to take the journals and books. It didn't seem like they belonged to anyone anymore, anyway.

The floor too, was covered in miscellaneous items. Armin had to tread carefully as some were broken. He saw a lantern near his left foot and picked it up cautiously. It wasn't broken. He decided it might be useful for him to light it.

Rummaging through the shelf on his right, he found matches and lit the lamp successfully. The room suddenly became a lot brighter and Armin could now see a stack of cardboard boxes lying at the end of the narrow room.

Slowly losing track of time, Armin headed towards them, set down the lamp and started exploring.

 

* * *

 

Jean shut the door to the room with some finality. It's only been 2 hours but he was already exhausted. Who knew an unused room could collect so much dust? He doesn't think it's been touched for years.

He might have trudged on to his third room if it weren't for him noticing the floor beneath him. It was shining, practically glowing even. Jean was impressed. Whoever had swept the floor had really done a good job.

Looking around however, he didn't see anyone carrying a broom and that's when he also realised he hadn't seen Mikasa or Armin in a long while. Were they searching for Eren?

He shrugged, it was none of his business anyway. Still, he decided to go down every room to check and see if they were inside cleaning. As he reached the end of the corridor, Jean paused to consider his options. Neither Mikasa nor Armin were in any of these rooms. So should he go look for them or stay put and wait for their return?

In end, Jean didn't have to make a decision as he spotted something peculiar at the adjacent wall that marked the end of the corridor. Upon closer inspection, he could make out a door with … a wooden stick blocking it from closing?

Suspicious, Jean opened the door slightly while taking up the stick, which he found to be a broom, silently. Cautiously, he entered and a fusty smell hit him. Whatever this room was, it reeked of old junk and dust. But, there was also a curious flickering light illuminating a silhouette of a person on the other end of this seemingly rectangular room.

"Hello?" he called out into the darkness.

The person shrieked sharply, causing Jean to jump and release the door. It shut behind him with an echoing bang.

"Armin?"

The boy raised a lantern to his face. Expressive blue eyes, now filled with trepidation stared at him from the other end of the room.

"Is … is that you, Jean?"

"You can't see me?"

"It's dark," Armin replied, getting off the dusty floor. He started towards Jean carefully.

Oh right, Jean thought. Armin had a light near him whereas Jean didn't, so only he could see him.

"Uhh … umm. Why are you in here?" Jean set the broom against the wall and met Armin halfway, taking care not to step on anything on the ground.

"I spotted the door to this storage room and decided to go in," Armin said cheerfully. "I found a lot of interesting things too! Like these journals and books!"

Jean peered at the books Armin was holding out. They looked like they were falling apart and out of date, but he decided to keep his opinions to himself.

"Where's Mikasa?" Jean inquired.

"Oh." Jean couldn't see properly but it looked like Armin's face had dropped. "She's looking for Eren. I hope they're okay."

He wasn't sure how he should respond. Should he comfort the other boy? Jean flashbacked to when he accused Mikasa and Eren of being bad friends. Armin certainly got angry. And since Jean wasn't hoping to risk his life in a dark room after angering the only other person in there who was also holding fire in a glass structure, he again, decided to keep mum.

"Why don't we get out and look for them?" Jean offered kindly.

Armin nodded and the two headed towards the door. Armin reached for the handle first but … couldn't find any.

"What's the holdup?" Jean frowned.

"Th-there's no handle …"

Unbelieving, Jean took the lamp from Armin. What do you mean there was no handle? He shone the lamp all around the door.

 _Dear lord,_ Jean's brain told him.  _There was no handle._

All he could do was stare, perplexed at the door. Then, he attempted to push it open but to no avail.

"I don't understand, it shouldn't have shut … my broom was -"

Jean grunted, kicking at the door.

"Oh my god -" Armin clamped a hand over his mouth as he spotted his broom leaning against the wall. "You removed it?"

"How else would it have shut then?" Jean bellowed as he slammed his shoulder against the door.

Armin jumped, but saw what Jean was doing and hurriedly grabbed onto him. "Stop it - Stop it!"

"Do you not want to get out?" Jean panted angrily.

Armin pulled him away with all his might. "Yes! But there's no point ramming your body into it and injuring yourself! The door is  _locked._ "

"Well, no shit, Sherlock! Why don't you be helpful and -"

Gritting his teeth, Armin slapped Jean across the face. The blow was ringing throughout the room and in Jean's ear.

"Shut up!" Armin snapped. Jean was silent. " _You_ pulled the broom from the door, causing us to be trapped here. So don't yell at me."

"Besides," he continued, snatching the lantern from Jean and setting it down at the edge of the door. "The others are busy cleaning at the moment. They are unlikely to hear you flinging yourself repeatedly to death from the other end of the corridor."

Jean swallowed, raising a hand to his stinging cheek. Who knew Armin had such arm power? "So what should we do?"

"Sit here and wait. Sooner or later, they're going to report us missing and search for us. When it turns dark, they'll notice a light from the lantern I've put at the foot of this door and come for us."

Jean nodded slowly. That made sense. "Sorry," he said gruffly, ashamed at his panicked actions.

Now that Armin had also calmed down, he too, was a little embarrassed. "Don't worry about it," he told Jean. "And umm … sorry for slapping you."

"I needed that," Jean replied glumly. "Anyway, so we just wait?"

Armin pointed over to the cardboard boxes he had been looking through except that they were now shrouded in the darkness. "We can explore this room! I've found some interesting things in those boxes."

He began to make his perilous journey back to the boxes. Armin was well aware that without light, he could step on anything broken or sharp. His movements were slow and careful.

Jean decided to come along too. Not that he was interested in junk but he felt bad for yelling at Armin and wanted to make himself useful.

The two lifted a cardboard box each and made their way back to the light. Jean set down his box first and reached out both hands to take Armin's.

Suddenly, the other boy tripped and fell forward. Jean caught him easily since his arms were already outstretched. Armin raised his head shyly and thanked him before righting himself and moving away to put down the box.

Jean could have sworn he saw Armin blush.

He shook his head. That was probably the flickering fire from the lantern playing tricks on his eyes.

The two sat down and under the light of the lantern, and began to sift through the contents of the boxes.

"What are we looking for again?" Jean asked, shaking off a cobweb.

"Anything!" Armin said, delighted. He lifted out a bunch of envelopes. "Letters!"

"Dear Rey," he opened an envelope and began to read. "How are you doing? Mum says you have been regularly sending letters but I haven't gotten one from you yet! I do wish I could get a letter too. I've been a dutiful daughter and can now fold everyone's laundry in under five minutes! Fancy that!"

The two of them chuckled. Jean picked another envelope from the pile Armin had put on the ground. He opened it and started reading. "Dear Truda, it seems you are doing well. I hope you'll return home soon, however. Your father and I have missed you so. Not to mention, Grandpa is still asking if you are on vacation. He doesn't seem to remember you've gone and become a soldier."

It was like this that Jean and Armin passed the time. After reading several letters, Armin stopped abruptly in the middle of the sentence.

"What's wrong?" Jean asked.

Armin shook his head sadly. "The father revealed here that Grandma had passed away. It seems the tear stains have washed away most of the ink …"

Since Armin was sitting relatively close to him, Jean could see his expression reflecting sorrow. Although it wasn't his own family, Armin was still mournful. His compassion knows no bounds and oddly enough, Jean also felt something pull on his heart.

Armin closed his eyes and set down the letter. Then, he shifted his entire body so that he was sitting facing Jean. He now wore a stern expression.

"W-what?" Jean was surprised. Why was he suddenly so serious?

"When are you going to write to your family?"

Taken aback by the frankness of the question, Jean stammered a little. "S-soon …"

Armin sighed. "Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not," Jean said defensively. "I just don't think they'll appreciate a letter anyway …"

"Not even during Christmas time?"

Jean decided to be as frank as Armin had been to him. "Look, I don't do Christmas, if that hasn't been obvious enough. I hate the cold, I hate the singing and I hate the whole festivity of it."

"But,  _why?_ " Armin searched Jean's eyes.

Jean avoided his gaze by looking away. Why would he want to know? Why was he so keen on finding out? And it's not like he could just tell Armin exactly why he hated Christmas either. It's just more of a lack of emotion towards it and irritation at those who get so fired up for it … like Armin. To Jean, Christmas was just like any ordinary day that people make too much of a fuss about.

But that … could be partially due to his childhood too …

He looked back at Armin who appeared genuinely concerned and interested to know. He was unmoving and sat in a kneeling position, hands clasped tightly on his lap as the light illuminated his blue eyes which still shone brightly. The room was suddenly so silent.

 _Damn it, Armin._ Jean thought.  _Why do you have to be so persistent?_

"I've just … never seen Christmas as a cause of celebration," Jean said finally. "My family was split up since I was very young and grew apart quickly. It was tiring to contact each other, let alone gather together for a party."

"Furthermore," he continued. "One time when I was encouraged by my mother to go carolling, since she wanted me out of what she called, a 'gloomy' house, I was booed and had gotten doors slammed in my face. No one celebrated Christmas where I lived.

So … that's why, I never did too. My mother was too busy anyway and it's not like we could afford the decorations or the gifts. Hence, here I am today …"

Jean tried a smile as he shrugged his shoulders. "… Unable to feel the Christmas cheer."

He didn't think it was possible but the room grew even more silent. Armin has stayed quiet for a while and now he looked like he was in deep thought seeing as his eyes were closed and frowning. Jean also noticed that the light was getting weaker and looked back to see that the flame burning in the lantern had gotten a lot smaller. How much time has passed?

"I've got it!" Armin said, clapping his hands together. Now his eyes were resolute and determined. "We're going to throw a Christmas party!"

"Sorry?" Jean wasn't sure if he heard correctly. Hadn't he just told him he doesn't do Christmas?

"You see," Armin explained, smiling cheerfully. "A proper Christmas party may help you experience some Christmas cheer for the first time! You've not felt the Christmas spirit because you've never celebrated it properly!"

Jean looked sceptical. "And how are we going to throw this … party?"

"I'm going to Commander Erwin to get his permission!"

Jean burst into laughter. "Armin, you make it sound so easy! Do you really think he'll agree?"

Armin puffed out his cheeks in protest. "I can convince him. Come on, trust me Jean!"

He was still laughing until Armin grabbed both his hands. Wrapping them around his own tinier ones, Armin leaned in. Jean's throat turned dry as his laughter died.

"Please, Jean?" Armin pleaded. "If I can convince Commander Erwin to throw this party, will you help me?"

Jean gulped. Armin's face was inches away from his. He couldn't help but notice his smooth skin and cool touch. For what seemed to be eternity, Jean didn't know what to say.

The flame was slowly dying as the flickering light on Armin's face dimmed. The candlewick was at its end. Jean could feel and smell Armin's breath. It was balmy, delicate and sweet.

"Please," Armin whispered.

Jean felt his lips moving on their own accord as he whispered back. "Alright, Armin."

Suddenly, there was a huge thumping on the door just as the flame died. Jumping, the two pulled apart and scrambled to their feet.

"Is anyone in there?" a voice called from the other side.

"We're here!" Armin exclaimed as he rushed over.

They heard the sound of a handle turning and then the door opened. It was Eren, Mikasa and Historia.

Armin dashed to Eren, hugging him tightly.

Mikasa held up a lantern. "Everyone was wondering where you'd gone."

Historia greeted Jean with another bright smile as he walked out of the room, brushing away the dust on his clothes. "I was so worried!"

Eren ruffled Armin's hair. "So it was  _your_ idea to put the lantern at the door, huh? Good one too. We would have never found you if we didn't see the light from it!"

Jean awkwardly thanked the three of them and walked away quickly.

"Is it just me or does Jean look more … vulnerable?" Eren asked in confusion, noting his softer tone of voice.

Armin laughed. "I think we're all just happy to get out and look forward to Christmas!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my shizzles. This chapter. I decided to challenge myself by writing most of it in Jean's POV since I've always done more of Armin's. I hoped it worked out fine. Besides that, we're halfway through the story! Can you believe it? O_o


	7. Five days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was me basically lamenting and making up for my family's lackluster response to Christmas. XD

Jean couldn't believe his ears. Erwin Smith was declaring the soldiers could have a half-day in order to prepare for a Christmas party?

He wiped the sweat off his brow in disbelief. They had just finished a few training exercises after lunch and they were already getting the rest of the day off? He looked around frantically for a certain blond …

Finally, his eyes landed on him. There was the offender, standing innocently among the rest of the soldiers a good few metres away from him. He seemed to be aware of someone watching him for he whipped his head around, spotting Jean immediately.

Armin gave him a smirk and winked at the same time.

Jean was flabbergasted. A  _smirk?_ Since when was such an expression in the vocabulary of Armin Arlert's body language?! Turning red (from embarrassment? Frustration? Inexplicable reasons?), Jean started to mouth something but a soldier moved into his line of sight, obstructing the view of the other person.

Throwing his head back in exasperation, Jean decided trying to catch Armin's attention now was useless.

Then, he felt someone nudging him from the side. The soldier beside him gestured to Levi's steely gaze, focused on him.

Jean quickly straightened up. He tried his best to calm down. Soon, the announcement came to an end and the soldiers were dismissed. Everyone dispersed around him. Jean however, stayed and rubbed his temples while shutting his eyes to think. It's not the end of the world for him … When Armin said "help", it could mean anything. It could just be supporting him from the sidelines, or even just gathering firewood. Right?

"Jean!"

His eyes flew open and there stood Armin, beaming as if he had just won a million dollars.

"I need help with the decorations. You'll do this with me right?"

Jean nervously looked around for an escape route. He found none. His worst fears were coming to fruition. "Umm … Uhhh -"

Just then, Mikasa appeared behind Armin without warning. "What's going on?"

"Jean has agreed to help with the Christmas decorations!" Armin put a hand on his shoulder warmly. He almost choked.

"Really?" Mikasa looked at Jean with an odd expression.

He frowned and looked away. What?

Eventually, Mikasa gave a tiny smile. "I'm glad to hear that. We need all the help we can get," then she paused before continuing. "Anyone see where Eren is?"

Armin removed his hand and looked around. The grounds were empty except for them. "Perhaps he's with Levi?"

Mikasa muttered something unhappily under her breath before announcing she was going to search for Eren. "Come on, Armin," she said as she strode off.

"I'll meet you at the warehouses at 4!" Armin waved to Jean before he left, running after Mikasa.

Jean kicked at the snow and sighed. He'll go, since he did already agree to help anyway … Even if he secretly thought it was unfair the way Armin had asked him yesterday. He was way too close to him! What else could he do?

Remembering their close proximity and Armin's breath on his cheeks suddenly brought a rush of blood to his head. Once again, Jean wondered if he should see a doctor or a psychiatrist. Feeling even moodier than ever, he headed inside the castle.

Perhaps a shower will help cool him. He was feeling so strangely warm in winter …

 

* * *

 

Armin stood, arms akimbo outside the warehouse. It's time to transform the dreary Headquarters into a magical, festive castle.

"Umm, when we were cleaning yesterday," informed a soldier beside him. "We found some old Christmas decorations and put them in a pile of boxes in warehouse 2."

"Thanks, Ivan!" Armin said brightly and headed into the warehouse along with a dozen other soldiers.

He was proud of himself for managing to convince Commander Erwin to hold the party. At first, his face revealed no emotion whatsoever, but by the end of Armin's proposal, he gave a nod. Though … Levi looked disapproving the whole time. Still, Erwin confided he thought a party might be "fun" for it was during Christmas break anyway, and that may give the soldiers some motivation to carry on their gruelling responsibilities next year.

Finally, the green light was given and Armin was dismissed. Elated, he went out and hurried over his dorm to tell his dorm-mates who were too delighted about the prospect of a party. Next morning, after going around and talking to each soldier during breakfast and in between training, Armin was glad to find that such sentiments were shared. And hence, not only had he successfully convinced Erwin to throw a party, he also managed to gather most everyone to help with the decorations.

The soldiers started to take down boxes from the stack one by one and opened them to see what was inside. Armin clapped joyfully seeing the multitude of colours from Christmas baubles, paper maché snowflakes, carved and painted wooden figures …

Jean leaned against the entrance of the warehouse, watching everything. Armin looked like he had received a huge Christmas present. He involuntarily smiled a little and then went over to help with the boxes.

"Jean! You're here!" Armin exclaimed as Jean came up beside him, pulling down a box.

"Geez, who knew there were this many ornaments in this place …" Jean grunted as he passed it on to another soldier.

Armin continued to pass boxes too. "The more the merrier right?"

"I guess …"

Then, Mikasa came over. "After taking these boxes to the castle …"

"We start decorating!" Armin finished for her, dusting his hands after passing the last box.

"Alright," Mikasa smiled. "See you back at Headquarters."

Armin and Jean nodded as she left. Jean picked up the last box from the stack, walking off after her.

Tagging along, Armin offered to help carry it which Jean eventually obliged. It was heavy anyway.

Entering the castle, they set it down on the stone floor. Armin was delighted to see that the soldiers had already begun to hang ornaments everywhere.

"Armin!" Connie ran over, with Sasha in tow. They almost tripped over a box.

"Should you guys be running?" Jean asked dryly.

Sasha laughed, waving a hand. "It's fine. We're almost recovered -"

"We didn't have to participate in training for the past two days -"

"Besides, it's just a light sprain!" Sasha grinned.

Jean felt a bead of perspiration forming on his brow. Too much energy. Where'd they get it from?

"Anyway, Armin," Connie spoke. "We wanted to tell you we're going out to make Christmas wreaths!"

Armin's eyes shone. "Really?"

Sasha nodded eagerly. "We found a whole bunch of ribbons in a box and thought of the idea. Wouldn't it be neat to see wreaths on Christmas?"

"Mmm! It would certainly brighten up the place," Armin agreed.

"Right?" Connie clasped Sasha's hand. "Well, we'll be off then!"

As they sprinted away, Jean yelled after them. "Oi! Be careful about your sprains!"

"Don't worry, Jean!" Connie waved back.

"He's become such a softie since …" Sasha started to say but as they ran off, the wind blew away the rest of her words.

"What?" Jean bellowed. What on earth …

Armin started to bounce up and down excitedly, distracting Jean. "I need to get the gramophone and Christmas records. They're in the library. I'll bring them down!"

"Okay … then I guess I'll get started here?" Jean said awkwardly as he bent down to open the box they were carrying.

Armin gave him a thumbs up, thanked him and ran off.

Jean finally felt like he could breathe again. Being around with Armin was both oddly pleasant and nerve-wrecking for no reason. He let himself chuckle at Armin's excitement. It reminded him of an innocence and happiness Jean wanted to protect.

Filled with relatively more positive thoughts, Jean's mood gradually lifted a little as he pulled out the first bauble and joined the rest of the soldiers in making Christmas happen, here at Headquarters.

 

* * *

 

" _Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane …"_

The music certainly boosted the spirit of Christmas as the soldiers merrily decorated the castle. Armin was once again ever grateful to whoever had left the gramophone and records behind in the castle.

Soon, the castle hallways, cafeteria and corridors were filled with baubles, mistletoe, wreaths (thanks to the effort of Connie and Sasha), even pine cones. Everything sparkled and gleamed, even as the sun began to set.

Then, as Armin walked back to admire the well-decorated entrance of the Headquarters, he accidentally knocked over a box behind him with his foot. Stooping down, he picked up a large silver star, that had spilled from it. It was a little larger than the size of his hand. The metal was cold and shone as if it were just polished yesterday. It looked absolutely beautiful.

"Ah!" Armin jumped as a thought came to his mind. He looked around wildly. Where were Eren and Mikasa? Did they go to the upper floors to decorate?

"Hey, Armin," Jean said, coming over. "Are you alright?" He could tell the boy was searching for something.

What happened next, however, Jean did not expect. Armin grabbed his hand quickly and exclaimed, "Jean! Great timing - come with me!"

And despite his protests, Armin led him out of Headquarters and to the warehouses.

"Wait - Armin! Stop!"

Armin finally let go and began searching the warehouse.

"What's going on? What are you -"

"Found it!" Armin cried triumphantly, holding up a … saw?

Jean blinked. His mind going into overdrive as he tried to think why Armin and gone and searched for a saw. "Why do we - you, need that?"

Armin held up the silver star in his other hand. "Why, to saw down a pine tree of course! We need a Christmas tree after all!"

Jean held up his hands in surrender as he backed away. "Uhh … Armin, I -"

"You said you'd help!" Armin blew out his cheeks.

There was a pause as Jean looked torn. Armin crossed his fingers in his mind as he waited with bated breath.

"Fine." Jean consented with a sigh.

Half an hour later, the two of them had found a handsome pine tree in its prime and were started to saw through it. Then, halfway through, Armin remembered he had to prepare a bucket filled with rocks for the tree.

He hurried back to the warehouses, found one with a large enough diameter and ran back to the forest to fill it up with rocks and stones. He worked as fast as possible, guilty that Jean had to do the sawing by himself.

Armin wondered if he was being too pushy … he glanced at Jean who was working hard on the tree. A second later, Jean too, looked up and caught Armin's eye.

He smiled and wiped his brow. Armin too, smiled back. Jean's eyes were so comfortingly warm. Flushed with joy, Armin quickly looked away and continued piling rocks into the bucket. It was real nice of Jean to help him. Armin couldn't be more grateful. A fuzzy feeling enveloped his body. It wasn't the Christmas spirit, it was something new and foreign, though not unpleasant at all. His heart raced a little.

Eventually, the bucket was full and he was perspiring despite the cold from the heavy load. Armin started to head towards Headquarters.

"Need help?" Jean asked, noticing his struggling.

Armin almost dropped the bucket. "Stay there!" He insisted, wheezing a little, and then he hobbled off.

As he did so, Jean also noticed something shiny slip out of Armin's pocket. He stopped sawing to see what the boy had dropped.

Jean found the silver star Armin was holding, in the snow. He picked it up, dusted off the frost and pocketed it, grinning.

He went back to his sawing and said nothing when Armin returned to help him a while later. Jean was thoroughly enjoying himself. Yes, even as he was stuck outside, in the middle of winter, sawing a pine tree begrudgingly, Jean was having fun.

Armin helped Jean saw away the rest of the tree diligently. He hadn't noticed anything was amiss. Armin was only focused on one thing: Making this holiday season the best Christmas the soldiers will enjoy at the Survey Corps.

 

* * *

 

Another half an hour later, Armin and Jean staggered into the main hallway of the castle with a decently-sized, prickly pine tree. Soldiers who were admiring the decorations that had been put up, leapt aside in astonishment to avoid collision and death by a tree.

Armin had strategically placed the bucket at the back of the hallway, right at the center. It wouldn't obstruct anything and yet, would still draw attention to it from anyone who walked in. The bucket had been emptied, with the rocks at the side.

The two of them set the tree down into the bucket. Jean panted, holding it upright as Armin quickly placed the rocks back into the bucket.

Then, Eren and Mikasa came rushing over. "Oh my god," Eren cried out joyfully. "A Christmas tree!"

Armin tried to speak in between breaths. "I, have been … looking, all … over -"

Eren quickly apologised. "Levi dragged me away for most of the afternoon. Mikasa later found me at the basement and we decided to decorate it too."

Jean scowled a little. "Look, if you have time to talk, why don't you get some water for the tree?"

"Why you -"

Mikasa quickly turned Eren around and held his hand. "Jean's right. We should help Armin get some water. Let's go."

Just as they had left, Armin finished putting in all the rocks so that the tree stood firmly in place. Soldiers started to surround the tree, bringing leftover decorations.

"Oh my god," Sasha squealed, bringing two hands to her mouth as Connie hung up a golden bell.

Historia too, came over to hang up a snowflake made of yarn. "It looks gorgeous," she said to Jean and Armin.

Eren and Mikasa arrived as well with another bucket, filled with water. Carefully, they poured it onto the rocks.

Then, to everyone's surprise, Erwin, Levi and Hange also entered the hallway to look at the tree. Everyone parted respectfully. Erwin promptly took out a red and gold ribbon and tied a large bow on the tree. Levi followed with a miniature blade made of aluminium while Hange attached a card she had received from the orphanage children to a branch.

 _Now, for the finishing touch,_  Armin thought. He put a hand in his pocket … and let out a cry of dismay.

"Armin?" Eren and everyone else looked confused.

"The star! The silver star … I -" Armin patted all his pockets. "It's missing!"

Jean grinned, amused at his panicking. Watching Armin fret from behind him was funny but he decided to finally put him out of his misery. Jean took out the star from his pocket and dangled it in front of Armin.

"You mean, this star?"

Armin's eyes widened in both recognition and relief. "How did you …"

"You dropped it," Jean laughed as he walked around to face him. "You dropped it in the snow while you were carrying that bucket full of rocks back to Headquarters."

Armin stared at him in shock before breaking out into a sheepish smile.

"Here, hold out your hands," Jean said and Armin did as he was told.

Jean dropped the silver star into Armin's cupped hands. And then, without warning, he grabbed his waist and hoisted him up. Armin let out a squeal of surprise.

"Go on," Jean encouraged. "Put it on the tree."

A little bashful, Armin reached over and put the star on the tree. Under the golden light of the chandelier in the hallway, the silver sparkled even more spectacularly.

Everyone erupted into cheers and applause as Jean set Armin back down on his feet slowly.

"Happy?" Jean teased.

"Very!" Armin laughed.

Then, feeling slightly embarrassed, they both looked down and blushed.

Thankfully, they were quickly swept away by their friends who ruffled their hair and enthusiastically hugged them in celebration for fully transforming the gloomy castle into a warmer, cheerful place filled with Yuletide spirit.

Armin could feel it in his bones. This was going to be, the best Christmas ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're past the halfway point and I'm excitedly starting to count down the days to Christmas ~~


	8. Four days

When Armin entered the cafeteria the next morning, he was shocked to see so little people in there. Where was everyone? Was he late? But … not even the kitchen staff were here …

"Yo, Armin," Eren came in, raising a hand as a greeting.

"Quiet morning, isn't it?" Mikasa remarked.

Armin was confused. "Where is everyone?"

"It's Christmas break," a hoarse voice answered. Armin looked back to see Jean clear his throat and stretch. Following behind him was Historia who shyly waved.

"Not going home to Mummy?" Eren lightly teased.

Right. Armin internally slapped himself. Christmas break was on the 21-25th December. How could he have forgotten?

Jean laughed, watching realisation dawn on Armin's face. "You totally forgot."

"Hey, don't ignore me!" Eren said a little crankily.

The five made their way to the kitchens to make themselves breakfast. As they entered, they were shocked to see that Erwin was in there frying eggs over a stove.

"Sir!" The five of them saluted.

Erwin raised an eyebrow at them before turning back to his eggs. He flipped them over expertly on the frying pan. "It's Christmas break, no need to be so tense."

Then he emptied out the fried eggs onto a plate. Turning towards them, he lifted up the plate. "Want some?"

Eating with Commander Erwin, Armin decided, was the most awkward thing he's ever done in his life. Not to mention, the very eggs they were eating now were made by their superior. That fact made them a little bit harder to swallow.

Not that they weren't good of course. They actually tasted really delicious.

Still …

"How is it?" Erwin said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that he was seemingly oblivious to.

Everyone nodded enthusiastically and they praised the food with much vigour and passion.

Erwin laughed a little, spearing some fried eggs with a fork. "You guys don't have to be so stiff around me during the break. Training's off anyway so we're eating at this table as friends."

Then, footsteps sounded behind them, alerting everyone to the presence of more people. Pulling out the bench, Hange slid in next to Erwin and Levi took his other side.

The soldiers stood up to salute them but Hange snorted, waving at them to sit down.

"Oi, Erwin. You started breakfast without us," Levi said, barely stifling a yawn.

"It's not my fault you all went Titan hunting first thing in the morning," Erwin shrugged.

Hange stretched. "Ah! You should have been there. You would have enjoyed it. The cold was slowing down the Titans and it was so satisfying to -"

"Eggs?" Erwin offered her a plate.

The rest of the soldiers looked at each other nervously. Things just got even more awkward. Especially since no one was talking but Erwin, Levi and Hange. Armin, wedged between Eren and Jean could feel their discomfort too. He nibbled on his egg, trying to look busy.

"Oh!" Erwin glanced up suddenly. He nodded towards Armin. "Good work on the charity performance. It also seems like the Christmas party you proposed is going -"

"Alright, that's enough." Levi rolled his eyes. "You'll spoil them brats."

Hange mimicked Levi's tone of voice dramatically. "Don't be such a wet blanket! Give credit where credit is due!"

Armin tensed up. What should he say? Should he even say anything? Stressed about coming up with a response, he stuttered, "I, I - thank you … b, but -"

Jean put a hand on his back, as did Eren, simultaneously. Armin straightened up a little more. "T-thank you, sir!" Armin said loudly, and then he lowered his head. "I'll work harder!"

Hange laughed, clutching at her stomach. "Oh my! You're adorable. Isn't Arlert just adorable?" She looked over to Erwin to Levi and then at Jean.

Jean turned back to his eggs. It must have been a mistake.

"Anyway!" Hange raised a hand for silence though no one was talking but her. "As a reward for your efforts, we'll tell you about the Christmas ghost of this castle!"

Levi made a sound of disapproval as Hange elbowed Erwin.

"Oh right!" Erwin set down his fork after cleaning his plate. "The ghost of Betty Berkins."

Everyone exchanged confused glances. Ghost?

"Legend says," Erwin started, "Betty Berkins was a girl who was thrown out of home, her parents having too many mouths to feed. Her family told her not to come back until she's found happiness and can bring that home. Little Betty grew up and became a soldier. Upon arriving at this castle, she read a book in the library about Christmas. Betty Berkins believed the Christmas spirit would bring happiness to her family.

However, the next day, the soldiers went on a mission which Betty died on. And till today, she's haunting the four walls of this very castle, searching for the Christmas spirit that would bring happiness to her family."

There was silence when Erwin finished. Then, Levi yawned loudly, taking up his plate as he stood. "Well, my ears have had enough of that nonsense." He walked off to the kitchen without a backward glance.

"I'll get going too," Erwin excused himself.

"Have fun today, kids!" Hange too, went off with her plate.

Armin was processing everything. The story of Betty Berkins … that's probably just a rumour, superstition even. It didn't make complete sense and there were so many loopholes in the story. He looked around to see his friends' reactions.

Eren was looking pale. "I never knew …"

Mikasa touched his shoulder. "It's okay. If she comes for you, I'll protect you."

"Well, we've plenty of Christmas spirit here to keep her happy!" Historia also attempted to comfort Eren.

Armin sighed, none of them were really helping.

"Come on," Jean sniggered. "Eren, you don't actually believe that ridiculous story right?"

"I can choose to believe in whatever I want," Eren snarled.

Jean smirked. "Like kids' tales? No wonder you still act like a -"

Eren shook a fist at Jean. "I dare you to finish that sentence!"

"Alright, STOP!" Armin said, standing up swiftly. "This is getting out of hand. Leave each other and each other's opinions alone." Then, he too, took his empty plate to the kitchen.

Armin shook his head as he dried the plate. Were they born hot-headed or was it just that Eren and Jean could never get along? He put the plate back in the kitchen cupboards and headed upstairs to the library. This morning had certainly been an awkward and disconcerting one. To feel normal again, Armin decided to do a little bit of reading.

Well, at the very least, the Christmas decorations look as beautiful as ever. Armin smiled thinking about yesterday's efforts. Everyone had been so enthusiastic and brilliant!

Then, his mind drifted to the time when they were sawing the tree and bringing it back in. That was fun too. Armin felt that it was especially heartwarming to see the soldiers, and even their superiors come in to hang more decorations on the tree. It was representative of the Survey Corps and their Christmas spirit.

Inevitably, Armin also recalled how Jean had revealed to him he had found the star and after dropping it in his hands, carried him up so that he could put it on the tree. There was a rush of exhilaration coursing through his body. He remembered the embarrassment afterwards too and now, Armin could feel himself turning red once again. Was he very heavy? Armin sat down on a couch and drew his knees up to his chest. Was he embarrassed because he was just sensitive to touch?

Recently, however, he's been feeling this way more often. More embarrassed, shy, and … thrilled. It was always when Jean was close by. Armin bit his lip. Why?

Deciding not to dwell on it further, he took up a book, crossed his legs and forced himself to start reading. Perhaps, books will calm him down a little and bring back a sense of normalcy in his life right now …

 

* * *

 

Ice-skating? Armin looked up from his book. He was so engrossed in it, he didn't even realise what they were fully saying until they told him to look up at the ice-skates they were holding.

Standing in front of him were Eren, Mikasa, Historia and Jean, holding up a pair of ice-skates each. Save for Eren who was holding up two pairs, presumably one for him.

"Wh - why …?" Armin was a little confused and … nervous.

"Because, we were bored! Let's do something fun!" Eren held out a pair of skates to Armin. "Besides the lake near the forest has completely frozen over."

Armin clutched at his book. "Umm …"

"It'd be a waste of these skates too. They were all stored away in a closet on the third floor." Eren added.

Historia smiled gently. "There's not much sunlight left too, we should go before it turns dark."

Jean felt uncomfortable. He questioned why he was even standing here with Eren, Mikasa and Historia convincing Armin to skate with them. It's not like he were close to the Golden Trio or Historia in the first place …

Mikasa suddenly nudged Jean. "Go on, help us convince him."

Jean tried to avoid eye contact with Armin. "Won't you … come with us?"

Eren rolled his eyes and then grabbed Armin's hand who squeaked as he dropped the book. Pulling him up from the couch, he started to drag him out of the door.

"Come on! It's time you got over your fear!"

Fear? Now Jean was confused and looked at Historia who was similarly perplexed. What fear?

"Armin never learned to ice-skate because he had a fear of going on the ice," explained Mikasa as the three caught up with Eren and Armin at the frozen lake, near the edge of the forest where they usually trained in.

Armin shakily put on the ice-skates. It fit him okay though not perfectly.

Taking Eren's hand, he stood unsteadily. A knot was forming in his stomach. He already felt sick and lightheaded.

"Eren …" Armin grabbed his arm tightly as his best friend slowly led him to the edge of the lake. "I don't know if this is a good idea …"

"You'll be fine once you get the hang of it!" Eren said cheerfully. "Follow my lead."

He stepped onto the ice, egging Armin to come on too. Mikasa went over too and tried to coax him into going on the ice.

Deciding he didn't belong in this scene, Jean stepped on the ice and skated easily to the other end of the lake. Historia too, followed him swiftly.

Armin watched the both of them. How were they doing that so effortlessly? He grit his teeth. Subconsciously, he wanted to join Jean … and all his friends too of course. He was tired of sitting out.

Clutching Eren's arm for his life, Armin finally put one foot down on the ice. Images of him falling down, cracking the ice and drowning to his icy death filled his mind.

Without warning, Mikasa gave him a gentle push which would have caused him to scream in fear if he hadn't already lost his voice.

Now that he had two feet on the ice, Eren started skating forward, towing Armin from behind. "See? It's not so bad, is it?"

 _I'm going to die, I'm going to die._ More terrifying thoughts filled his mind.

After skating in small circles, Eren pried Armin's fingers from his arm.

"What are you doing?" Armin asked quickly, not even bothering to conceal his distress.

"Letting you be independent," his best friend answered lightly.

Before Armin could react, Eren pushed Armin away from them.

Panicking, Armin slid across the ice, arms flailing about. "Eren!" He screamed in unadulterated fear, his life flashing before his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Feeling awkward, Jean skated in circles on the other end of the lake with Historia. They were both feeling a little self-conscious.

"Heh," Jean was the first to break the silence. "I didn't know Armin couldn't skate."

"Me neither," Historia replied with a smile as she looked over at Armin clinging onto Eren's arm, Mikasa tailing them. "Looks like they're having fun …"

Jean nodded quickly. "Armin puts up a pretty damn good snowball fight though."

"Really?" Historia skated a little closer to Jean. "And you?"

"And me?"

Historia tilted her head to the side, looking at him with genuine interest. "What do you like to do in winter?"

Before Jean could answer however, a scream distracted the both of them. When they whipped their heads around to look, they saw a petrified Armin sliding across the ice, uncontrollably towards them.

Reacting quickly, Jean skated to the boy in a flash. And just in time too. Armin's ankles had given way and was about to fall. Jean grabbed him by the elbows firmly.

"Are you okay?" Historia came over to, her eyes filled with concern.

Jean glared at Eren. What happened to teaching Armin to get over his fear? Were they going to leave him on ice alone?

"I'm fine, I'm just dying," Armin replied in a constricted voice.

From the other end of the lake, Eren yelled. "Oh let him be, Jean! The only way he can get over his fear is if we let him face it!"

Jean looked at Eren as if he were insane. Sure, that method was effective. But on ice? Armin could slip and easily injure himself! Not even bothering to reply, Jean shifted his weight so that he could better support Armin.

"Okay," his voice was kind. "Do you want to get off the ice?"

Armin bowed his head and shook it. If he doesn't learn how to skate now, then when?

"Then …" Jean slowly let go of an elbow. "Hold my arm."

Armin's grip was vice-like and Jean was sure it was going to cut off some circulation. He told Armin to relax a little.

"Skate in a V-shape. Your feet should be going diagonally outwards. Got it?"

Armin nodded, not daring to look up from the ground.

"Okay, now, follow me."

 

* * *

 

Ah. This feeling again …

Historia stood frozen on the ice, unsure of what to do. She stared at Jean helping and teaching Armin to skate. A pit of loneliness and jealousy opened up in her, and at the moment, Historia sincerely hated herself for feeling this way.

She looked at her own feet. What would Ymir do? What would she have done in such a situation?

Feeling lost, she forced her legs to move, eventually establishing a rhythm as she skated around by herself. Ever since Ymir had gone … Historia had been trying her best to live normally and not give off the impression that anything was amiss.

But deep down, she knew that something was wrong.

And that something was the fact that Ymir wasn't with her …

And that she missed her.

Historia missed her so much that it hurt. It didn't matter what she said or what Ymir had said … there was no way someone as weak as she was could go on living normally without relying on someone else's kindness.

And for a while, she supposed, in admittance to herself too, that someone was Jean.

Historia clutched at her jacket as she skated to a stop. This … this really can't go on. She needs to find her own person again, find her own strength and will to live on confidently.

She knows that this will never work if she kept doing this. It's unfair to both her and Jean who was completely oblivious.

She grit her teeth. But she has to try … She's been selfish enough and pitied herself enough. If she wasn't going to stand on her own two feet now, then … when?

Just then, a pair of skates stopped in front of her, snapping Historia out of her thoughts.

"Mikasa?"

The dark-haired girl put a hand on her shoulder. "You okay? Eren noticed you had been standing still for a while."

Historia looked over to Eren who was awkwardly standing away. She gave both him and Mikasa a smile. "I'm fine … I'm just -"

Deciding to be honest, she took a deep breath and finished her sentence. "- I'm just feeling a little down … was thinking about Ymir."

Mikasa steered her towards Eren gently. "Join us. I think you could use some company."

Feeling a little braver, Historia nodded. She could do this. She'll make Ymir proud.

 

* * *

 

Jean looked at Armin to signal he was about to start moving. Then, started to skate forwards slowly, the other boy copying his movements. Armin was feeling a little less scared now that he was holding someone's arms. He tried to push all thoughts of dying an icy death out of his mind and concentrated on forming a V with his feet.

After a while of doing that in slow but steady circles, Armin was feeling a little better. Not completely though.

"You can hold on for as long as you like," Jean told him comfortingly.

His gentle and low voice soothed Armin's nerves. He was glad he had someone to hold on to. He was glad it was Jean.

Right after that thought, a hot feeling spread across his body. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins.

"I want to go faster," Armin said in a rush without thinking.

Taken aback, Jean obliged and started skating faster. Armin tried to keep up with the pace. He could feel the wind in his hair. He could hear the scraping of skates on ice, Eren and Mikasa's laughter as they were having fun. The smell of Jean's laundry ...

He became distracted. His feet wobbled and he couldn't stop himself in time. Armin lost his balance and fell, pulling Jean down with him. The other boy let out a cry of surprise as they both crashed onto the ice.

"Are you okay?" Jean sat up first, pulling Armin to a sitting position.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

Jean laughed. "Falling is a rite of passage."

Armin could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks and ears. "I - I want to try again!"

Skating with Jean, Armin thought, was a strange and peculiar feeling. Even though he was still afraid of falling every few seconds, he felt safe with Jean beside him. As they skated bigger rounds across the ice, Armin eventually found himself to be having fun.

They passed Mikasa, Eren and Historia. Armin raised a hand to wave at them, laughing. He couldn't stop himself. Fear and thrill had taken over.

Feeling bold, Armin suddenly let go of Jean and pushed off. He skated in front of him, stretching out his arms.

What was this curious feeling? Armin felt so light and free.

"Sunset!" Historia suddenly exclaimed loudly, interrupting everyone as they all stopped to look at the direction she was pointing at.

Armin barely crashed head-first onto the ground as he tried to stop himself. Luckily, he caught his own fall with his hands. Straightening up, he bore witness to what may possibly be the most beautiful sunset he's seen in his life.

High atop the trees of the forest, the orange sun was going down at an unhurried pace; almost as if it were lazily taking its time. The clouds turned pink and purple as golden hues filled the grounds. It was bright and majestic. Armin couldn't tear his eyes away. Having all his friends here watching such a beautiful event happening was such a wonderful feeling.

At last, the last golden rays of the sun disappeared from sight. Twilight was over and the grounds instantly became a lot darker. It was finally evening-time.

Eren, Mikasa and Historia got off the ice wanting to get dinner however Armin wanted to skate for a while longer. He was just having so much fun! Armin felt like he had reached a milestone in his life today.

No longer afraid, he continued to skate across the ice with joy. Jean smiled at him. It was hard not to. Armin just looks so happy.

Jean took off after him too. He might as well enjoy it while it lasts. After all, no one knows when they'll get to experience such liberty again.

As Armin whizzed past him, he called out. "Jean! Why don't you join them?"

Jean replied without thinking. "I feel like spending more time with you on ice." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could taking them back. How can he play it off? He had to. It sounded so weird. No one says that unless they're …

Unless they're what?

Armin caught up to Jean catching his jacket to stop himself. The momentum pulled them both forward.

Armin's heart raced. He faced Jean. "Do you mean it?"

Jean swallowed and nodded.

"Then race me!" Armin laughed uncontainably and pushed Jean away sharply. "You're it!"

He skated off as fast as he could while Jean chased him. Armin felt a rush of excitement and happiness that he couldn't explain. All he knew were that he felt like the top of the world around Jean.

And that, was something he really, really loved.

 

* * *

 

"Are you sure this will work?" Connie frowned under the mask.

"With that ugly sweater and all the stuff I've put on you, yes." Sasha adjusted a twig on him.

The two were planning to surprise the soldiers with a scare. They had left for home earlier in the morning but decided to return because they actually really missed being at Headquarters. There wasn't much to do other than pay homage to gravestones … and that was a really depressing way to spend Christmas. It didn't really feel like they had a home anymore with everyone - well, gone. However, with all the decorations put up at Headquarters, and their friends being there, the castle was starting to feel like a second home instead - somewhere warm that they could return to.

Connie and Sasha peered around the trees. They had just arrived back on the grounds. The plan was to sneak into Headquarters and scare everyone with the mud-coloured sweater Connie had found at the bottom of his trunk. Putting on a mask and sticking on several twigs and leaves on his body, Connie looked like he was some monster from the forest.

Or so they thought, at least.

The two snuck around the trees, hoping no one would spot them. Then, they heard laughter in the distance.

Curious, they followed it and arrived at a lake. To their surprise, Armin and Jean were skating on it. They were both smiling and seemed to be playing a game of tag.

"Oh my god, I totally knew -"

"Shhh!" Connie shushed. "Let's scare these two first," he said in a low whisper.

"Okay," Sasha giggled softly. "Good luck."

Connie started to advance towards them, lifting his arms.

However, the two still hadn't noticed him, even as he was ten feet away from the ice. He roared loudly.

Armin and Jean turned around quickly. They thought they heard a noise?

Looking into the distance, both of them saw a fuzzy black outline of … something. In the darkness, they couldn't really make out what it was but it was roaring loudly and coming towards them.

A bear? Armin frowned. It didn't really resemble one though …

Then, it started running toward them.

"Oh my god …" Jean sounded fearful. "Is that … Betty Berkins?"

Without warning, he grabbed Armin's hand, skated to the edge of the ice, took their shoes and ran as fast as they could to the forest. There, they discarded their skates and threw on their shoes.

Who - no, _what_ on earth was chasing them?

"That's not Betty Berkins!" Armin hissed as they waited behind the trees. "Betty Berkins does not exist!"

"RRAARRRRGGGHHHH!"

Jean and Armin ran out from behind the trees. Whatever that was chasing them was still on their trail.

"What if it were true?" Jean ran around the lake, still holding Armin's hand.

"I thought you didn't believe in that story!"

Then, Connie stumbled and fell. He must have tripped over a rock. The snow stuck to him as did more twigs and leaves but he didn't bother to brush them off. Instead, he decided to take off after the two, roaring even more loudly. He could barely contain himself from laughing outright and giving himself away.

"Wait, Connie …" Sasha watched from the distance as he stumbled and fell yet again.

This time, some snow got into his eye.

"YYEOOUUWWWWWWW" Connie shrieked in pain, blindly running.

Jean and Armin were now across the ice. They watched as a white, furry (?) being stumble out from the trees.

"It's her ghost!" Jean clutched Armin's hand even tighter.

Armin looked at him as if he were mentally ill. "What? No? Does that look like a girl to you?"

Now, the … uhh, thing had stepped on the ice and was making its way straight to them.

"It looks like it can't see …" Armin frowned. "Hold on, there's something weird about it …"

Then, the being slipped on the ice and fell forward, face first. It didn't get up. Armin approached it cautiously.

"Armin!" Jean came forward too. "Be careful!"

Armin touched it. Snow? He turned it over and felt its face. Snow, twigs and leaves fell off it. Brushing the rest of it away, he saw a mask. Armin already had a feeling who this was. Rolling his eyes, he pulled it off, revealing Connie.

Sasha dashed over. "Connie! Are you okay?"

Connie stirred and groaned. He raised a thumbs up before dropping his arm back onto the ice.

Jean was flabbergasted. Both at their stupidity and his own dumb fear. He watched as Sasha and Armin lifted Connie up and into the castle.

This was the last time, he decided, that he'll ever believe in ridiculous ghost stories again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a good laugh writing all this. XD


	9. Three days

Everyone folded their slips of paper and stared intensely at each other.

Since a few other soldiers had returned from home in the next morning, Connie and Sasha announced they had an idea.

"Does it involve dressing up and running after people?" Jean asked wryly.

Sasha and Connie folded their arms impatiently. "No …"

"We're thinking -" Sasha started.

"Just hear us out -" Connie cut in.

"- of doing a Secret Santa activity!" They both finished.

And that's how about a third of the Survey Corps were gathered in the library (as some had not yet returned), writing down their names on a small slip of paper. Everyone folded it and a red Christmas stocking was passed around as each soldier dropped their paper inside.

Finally, it got to Connie who put in his paper and grasped the end of the stocking tightly. He shook it hard for about 5 seconds before drawing a slip of paper.

Then, Sasha took the stocking from him and drew a slip of paper before passing it on again.

Connie and Sasha gasped excitedly, causing everyone to look at them.

"Oh my god!" Sasha exclaimed.

"We got each other!" Connie hugged Sasha.

"This must be fate!" She said, hugging back tightly.

"I thought this was supposed to be secret?" Jean muttered under his breath as he took the stocking from an amused soldier. Sticking a hand inside, he pulled out a piece of paper and passed it to the next person closest to him.

Still shaking his head at the comical duo, he unfolded the paper. He saw a name that made him still.

Armin Arlert.

 

* * *

 

Armin walked out of the library briskly. He needed some fresh air.

"Hey, Armin!" Eren called from behind as he caught up. "Who did you get?"

Mikasa ran up to them too. "Armin, I got -"

Armin raised a hand to stop her. "It's okay, I don't want to know."

"Why? Aren't you curious?" Eren asked.

"No," Armin sighed, stopping suddenly. "See, if you guys tell me, I'll feel pressured to tell you who I got."

"Why don't you want to tell us?" Mikasa frowned.

Armin took a deep breath. "It's nothing. I'm just … doesn't this activity require secrecy?"

Eren was puzzled. "Yeah but - you can tell us … We can be trusted you know -"

"I know," Armin said a little curtly. "But look, that's not the issue. The issue is that I want to keep the identity of the person I drew a secret but you're not respecting that."

"But -"

"Eren, please stop. I'm having a headache and going out for fresh air. I'll see you two later." Then Armin walked away quickly, almost running.

 

* * *

 

Jean headed back to his dorm, deeply troubled. Of all people, why did it have to be Armin?

And why does he feel so nervous because it was Armin?

He sat down on his bed and thought hard. He didn't even know him that well. How was he going to find him an appropriate present? Should he ask Eren or Mikasa about it?

The thought of that made him shiver. Probably not. Eren would tell Armin and everyone else he knew. And … Mikasa, well, she'll tell Eren and then everyone else will know.

Feeling like a deflated balloon, Jean decided to rummage through his trunk for items. Perhaps a more general gift would do.

After much ransacking through useless items, Jean touched something paper. Pulling it out, he realised it was a brown bag of essential oils his mother had given him when he left. He was suddenly reminded of something …

Christmas was nearing and he hasn't written to anyone in his family yet. Although he had been unwilling at first, Jean had been considering such a course of action more and more each night before bed. Maybe Armin was right, maybe contacting them may be the first step to rebuilding bonds. Or maybe, that plan would just fall flat on its face. But at least, Jean can say that he tried.

He hesitated for a moment, then shut his trunk and pushed it under the bed. He ran towards the library, clutching the bag of oils. Jean was going to force himself to write those letters before he got cold feet.

Upon reaching the library, he found that it was empty which comforted him a little. He didn't think he'd be able to write anything if there was anyone around. Privacy was one thing he treasured.

Jean sat down at a table, grabbed some paper, an inkwell and a quill. He dipped the nib into the black ink and hovered it above the paper.

Now what?

Jean didn't know how hard it was to start. For some reason, all the generally acceptable things one would say in letters had dried up inside of him.

I should be honest. Jean thought to himself, gripping the quill tightly. He decided he'll start with his sisters first. It might be easier starting with them first and then building up to his parents.

Then, he set the nib down and began to write.

"Dear Liese …"

He paused, then continued. He wanted to tell her that he missed his older sister, and that despite the age gap, she always made him feel close to her. Then, after another pause, he apologised for his disinterest in maintaining the close bond that they once shared.

The more Jean wrote, the easier it became to express his feelings. Surprisingly, he was already done with the letter to his older sister just a little past noon. Sure, there were little cancellations and corrections here and there, but generally, Jean felt that he had written honestly without thinking too hard. It was after all, how he really felt towards Liese.

He placed the paper aside, waiting for the ink to dry as he started on his next letter to his younger sister, Ethel. He stopped to think, but halted that thought. He needed to be honest and say what he wanted to say. Straightaway, he wrote an apology to her from the first sentence. He wished he could have been a better older brother and cared for her more. He wished he hadn't been so distant …

That letter was also soon finished too and he put it on top of the one to Liese. Now, his father. Jean wracked his brain. What should he say? He barely knew his Dad seeing as his parents divorced when he was only eight. He let out a painful sigh. It must have been tough on Mum, raising 3 kids alone. Feeling some frustration at his father, Jean penned down his thoughts on that too.

Just then, the doors of the library swung open. Startled, Jean looked up to see Historia walk in.

"Oh!" She exclaimed noticing Jean. "You're here … I didn't see you eat lunch."

Jean shook his head. He wasn't feeling hungry.

"Do you," Historia started with some uncertainty, "- do you want me to get you something?"

He shook his head again. Then, noticing she was approaching him, Jean scrambled to hide the letters. A strange feeling came over him instantly. Why should he hide them? It wasn't like he was ashamed.

"What's all that?" Historia asked as she took the chair opposite him.

"Letters …" replied Jean reluctantly. "... to my family."

"Oh!"

She hunched her shoulders up. Jean thought she looked a little nervous. "You've never mentioned them before."

"I … I'm not very close," he shifted a little in his chair. "I'm writing to them because I'm uhhh … re-establishing ties?"

Historia's eyes widened. "That's a great idea!"

"You think?" Jean gave a small smile. He wasn't sure if these letters are going to fix anything but at least he felt good after writing them. It was as if he were slowly making peace with his family members, and himself.

He'd have to thank Armin … "A-actually," he told Historia. "Armin gave me this idea."

"Of course."

She looked as if she wanted to say something. Jean swallowed. Historia was fidgeting in her seat a lot. Was she uncomfortable?

After an awkward pause, she asked abruptly, "Jean. You and Armin seem close."

He did not see that coming. Caught off guard with the statement, Jean struggled to come up with a reply. Close? He furrowed his brows together. Well, he supposed he could say that have recently been acquainted … Jean flashed back to ice-skating yesterday with Armin, that time they were stuck in the storage room, and the other day when they danced together on stage …

Jean tried his hardest to stop the blood from rushing to his head. _What is wrong with me?_

"You know," Historia said thoughtfully. "I haven't been completely honest with you." She considered her next sentence. "I … took a liking to you, Jean."

He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly. It seemed his brain had stopped working.

"After, umm … after Ymir … had left," Historia took a deep breath. "I was really lonely. Though everyone was so kind to me, I really miss her …"

"Historia -"

She shook her head, indicating she wanted to continue. "At first, I was drawn to you because you share some similarities with her. But in the end, you're a different person and I'm sorry I ever confused you two. That doesn't mean I dislike you now though." Historia smiled gently. "I think you are a wonderful person but someone's heart is beating harder for you now."

She stood up, resuming her usual composure. "I hope you are well, Jean. And … I'm glad you're finally able to express your feelings. You must have found someone really special."

And then, without explaining herself further, she promptly left the library.

Jean felt slightly dizzy even though he was sitting down. Things were moving too fast for him. He wasn't even sure if he fully understood Historia's words.

Historia was drawn to him? Beating hearts? Meeting someone?

Apparently, his brain had died on him. Feeling like nothing was making sense anymore, Jean kept the letters he had written so far in his trunk and headed to the pantry to find something to eat. Perhaps food will help him.

He found some bread and began munching on it mechanically in a dreamlike trance. Soldiers who had come in to get things from the pantry stared at him oddly but Jean paid them no heed.

So … if he had heard correctly, and wasn't dumb enough to misunderstand, Historia … liked him?

A long time ago, Jean would have been happy. Overjoyed in fact. He would have been gloating to everyone else around him. But now … now he just felt indifferent to it. Of course, it was a little awkward for him, but it still doesn't change the fact that he didn't have feelings for Historia.

She also mentioned someone … Jean thought about everyone he knew. Realisation dawned on him. No, she couldn't have meant …

 _I'm jumping to conclusions._ Jean reasoned with himself. She couldn't, she couldn't have been referring to …

He suddenly became very flustered and hot, thinking about it. No way. Not … Armin Arlert.

More soldiers were giving him a look of alarm. Some even came up to him asking if he needed medical help.

Jean ignored everyone, shoved the rest of the bread in his mouth and dashed off. He didn't know where he was headed to but he didn't want to be around people now.

He entered the dorm. Thank goodness it was still empty. The other soldiers must be outside playing with the snow. But he didn't care about any of that. Jean was feeling like the wind had been knocked out of him.

He started to perspire and almost laughed at the thought. Perspiring in winter …

Jean felt his head. Was he having a fever?

_Does that mean … I'm gay?_

He took up his pillow, smashed it against his face and screamed into it. What was wrong with him? He couldn't be. Armin was … Armin was a friend, maybe even a close friend, and nothing more. Jean wouldn't ever dare think about touching a member of the Golden Trio (okay besides Mikasa but that was in the past), let alone … making advances on …

Jean threw the pillow away, clasped both hands to his head and steered himself. He must get a grip on himself.

But what if … what if he _were_ gay? And what if he _did_ like Armin?

Pigs would start flying. Jean considered it. Trees would uproot themselves. Levi would start having fun. All sorts of catastrophic possibilities would happen.

Breaking down a little from all the stress. Jean flopped down onto the bed. He needed to distract himself. People like him weren't made for thinking. It hurts the brain.

His eyes travelled to his trunk, hastily shoved half under the bed so that the other half was sticking out.

The letters! Right, he hasn't finished writing all of them. The one to his father was still half-done and he hasn't even started on the one to his Mum yet.

Jean grabbed the letter he had wrote halfway to his father and headed to the library. For now, he'll just focus on finishing them before … before thinking about other things.

 

* * *

 

Armin sneezed. He had just returned from a long walk around Headquarters and through the forest. He sneezed again and rubbed his nose. Was someone thinking of him?

Nah, he doubted that. It's probably just because he had been out in the cold for so long. He liked it though. He had always liked winter and he had always liked long walks. It calmed him.

Armin wrapped the scarf around him tighter as he returned back to Headquarters. Unfortunately, while walking did cure his headache, he still had no idea what to get Jean for the Secret Santa activity.

Why of all people, why did it have to be Jean? And why was he getting so worked up over it? People were always telling him he was bright. But how could he be if he couldn't even figure out himself?

Armin entered his dorm and plonked onto the bed. He lay there, still, with his arm resting on his eyes to shield the sun. He let his body relax, feeling heavier and sleepier …

As he drifted off, a crazy thought came to mind: Maybe he liked Jean.

Shooting up from the bed immediately, Armin clutched his head. Did he really just think that?

Wide awake now, he reasoned that thought was ridiculous and completely out of the blue. Sure, he admits he did feel happy with Jean around, but that's the same feeling he gets with Eren and Mikasa too!

Or is it?

Armin contemplated it. He recalled all the times they had spent together these last few days. He thought about Jean treating his wound on bare skin, Jean lifting him up easily so that he could place that star on the tree. He remembered how free he was feeling, skating and racing Jean on the ice. It was almost like they were in a world of their own. A blush came to his cheeks.

But, the thought that they could be more than friends … it was impossible. Armin bit his lip. Jean would never think of him like that … not in that way.

He sighed. He needed to focus at what's more important currently: the Secret Santa activity.

Armin rested his head on his knees. Going back to the Walls alone was not an option, obviously … so he couldn't purchase a gift.

Although … Armin slowly straightened up. He could certainly make something!

He stood up quickly as an idea struck him. Armin rushed to the pantry to outsource his ingredients. It was time to start baking.

As luck would have it, he found all the ingredients he needed to make cookies! Calculating everything in his mind, he estimated he only had enough to make 10 cookies or so. Armin frowned, feeling the pressure. 10 cookies was enough to fill a small jar, making it a suitable gift. However, he could only make one batch. So it had to be flawless for Armin wouldn't be able to try again.

He took off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Putting all the necessary ingredients into a large bowl, he started making the cookie dough. He had to be very careful. One small slip-up and the whole batch of cookies could be ruined.

But, as usual, Armin was resolved to do this perfectly. He was going to make the best cookies Jean will ever taste.

 

* * *

 

Some time later, Jean was done with his Dad's letter and put it aside. This one had the most cancellations and corrections. It was a little untidy and Jean hoped he got his thoughts and emotions across.

Now … his Mum.

"Dear Mum," Jean paused for a long while. He struggled internally with what to pen down. This was the hardest person to write to. His mother, who had done everything for him and his siblings. His mother who had raised them from scratch, worked long hours a day to bring food home and still find time to do chores and take care of her children.

Jean drew in a shuddering breath.

"You seriously rock. Without your hard work and care, Liese, Ethel and I would have died a long time ago. Thinking back, I can't remember a time when you weren't there for us. You always struggled through things, staying strong, even as Dad left … I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better son. You were so selfless and I was … I was just taking things for granted."

His hands were shaking now but he pressed on.

"Even now, I'm still sorry. I had hoped leaving to become a soldier would ease your burden, but I probably made you feel really lonely. I'm sorry for not writing to you sooner. I was always a coward, wasn't I? But, being here in the Survey Corps actually made me realise one thing. You can't move forward if you don't try. So I'm going to write to you and everyone else regularly now. Ma … I'm having a lot of fun here. I want you to know I've met … really great friends and I'm happy."

Wiping his cheeks furiously, Jean scrawled his last two sentences.

"If anything happens to me, I hope you know I love you … very much. Merry Christmas."

 

* * *

 

Armin took the hot tray of cookies from the oven with a glove and a piece of cloth. They looked round and perfect. Armin had decided to roll them into tiny balls instead of baking them as conventional flat spheres. He poured some melted sugar over them and drop them one by one into a bowl of icing sugar.

Rolling them around, Armin made sure each cookie ball was fully covered in icing and placed them carefully into an empty jar he had found and washed.

He sealed it tight with the lid and secured a ribbon around it. Perfect. Armin wiped his brow, relieved. Now Jean had tiny cookies looking like the snowballs they were throwing at each other in the forest the other day. Armin smiled, that was a lot of fun.

Putting the jar aside, he started to clean up the place. It was almost 8. A lot of people had been coming in and out of the kitchen since he started baking. Everyone was staring curiously and some even stopped to ask what he was making and for whom.

Of course, Armin didn't say anything that might reveal his intentions. He was just glad that Eren and Mikasa weren't any one of those soldiers that walked in. Perhaps, they were all having fun somewhere and got someone else to come in and get food for them.

Finally, he was done washing up. Drying his hands, Armin took the jar and walked out of the kitchen. He turned it around in his hands, admiring his creation. He wondered if Jean would like it.

As if on cue, Armin gasped as he turned the corner and saw Jean walking in the opposite direction. Luckily, he seemed to be examining some envelopes in his hand and hadn't noticed. Armin shoved the jar in his jacket. It made quite a noticeable lump but he could just give an excuse for it and run away quickly.

Hearing the gasp, Jean looked up and stopped in his tracks in surprise. Armin stopped too and raised a rather shaky hand.

"H-hi, Jean." Armin blushed. Why was he doing that? He already felt like just running away without giving an explanation. Was it Jean's unruly hair? His dishevelled clothes? What was it about him that made Armin react so strangely?

Jean clutched at the envelopes in his hand even more tightly. "Hey …" He seemed nervous and … was he turning red too? Armin couldn't be sure and dared not jump into conclusions.

"What's that in your jacket?" Jean asked, pointing at the lump.

Armin tensed up. "N-nothing … just, umm … food from the pantry."

"Food?"

"It's uhh … I have to hide it because it's not mine."

Now Jean was looking a little amused. "You know everything in the pantry is shared right?"

Armin wanted to slap himself. "It's umm … liquor?"

Jean raised an eyebrow. Armin barely managed to force his legs to stay still. "It's not mine … wait. I mean … uhh. I'm taking it for someone … for Eren!"

Bemused, Jean nodded. He wasn't sure what to say. It was obvious the other boy was lying and hiding something but … he decided not to press it.

Armin quickly pointed to the letters in his hand. "What's that?"

Jean smiled sheepishly. "Letters … I umm … spent the afternoon writing -"

"To your family?" Armin asked excitedly, all awkwardness forgotten.

Jean nodded. "Yeah," then he laughed softly. "I'm finally going to deliver them."

Armin reached forward and took his hand. Wrapping his fingers around the other boy's, Armin exclaimed happily, "Jean! I'm so glad!"

The two stared at each other for a moment. Jean was at a loss for words. Those blue eyes … filled with joy. He thought they looked beautiful.

Suddenly catching himself, Jean pulled away quickly and Armin too, dropped his hand. They avoided eye contact.

"I, umm. I should get going," Jean said hurriedly, raising a hand to hide his embarrassment.

Armin glanced at him quickly before glancing away. "Me too."

"Well, I guess … have a good night then."

"You too, Jean."

And with that, the two parted ways, both deep in thought, battling new, stirring emotions within themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post! Took a while to get out but I'm really happy with this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Do his eyes deceive him? Was he really seeing what he thought he may be seeing?

Armin hurried over to the tree and squat down. His breath was coming out in tiny white puffs. What lay before him, at the base of the tree was a tiny snowdrop, poking its head out from the glistening snow.

Not daring to believe it, Armin reached out and touched a petal with a tiny finger. He broke into a large smile. It is a tiny snowdrop flower! Marvelling at it, he suddenly caught sight of another snowdrop, and another, and yet another!

He gently plucked the snowdrop from the ground and straightened up. He held it to the sun. It was beautiful.

Marvelling at the blooming snowdrops, Armin pocketed the one in his hand and almost skipped back to Headquarters. What a wonderful way to end his early morning walk around the grounds! Not only was the sun out and shining, the temperature was just right for a stroll; it was cooling, and neither too hot or frosty. And to top it off, the snowdrops were just starting to bloom.

Armin got back to his dorm and was suddenly struck with inspiration. He took out the jar of cookies he had baked last night and held the snowdrop to it. It would look so pretty if he placed the flower atop of the cookies to garnish it. The only problem was, doing so now may result in the snowdrop wilting by Christmas. Armin decided to pick a fresh one on Christmas morning to prevent that from happening.

Then, there was a loud bang as Eren burst through the door.

"Eren?"

"Armin!" Eren said, going over to his friend. He seemed disconcerted. "Armin, Mikasa and I were looking for you!"

"Do you guys need something?"

Eren frowned. "Well, we wanted to talk to you for a bit, you've kinda been on your own - hey," he pointed to the cookie jar and snowdrop Armin was still holding. "What's that?"

Armin shrinked back, putting the cookie jar and snowdrop behind him. "That's .. that's my Secret Santa present. Please respect my -"

"Is that for Jean?"

"W-what?" Armin tried his best to be nonchalant.

Right at that moment, a few soldiers walked in, chatting happily with each other. Eren glanced at them and back at Armin.

"Come with me," he grabbed Armin by the wrist and pulled him from the bed.

"Wait!"

Armin was dragged through the corridor. What did Eren want from him? Why was he being so strange? He quickly covered his mouth, realising he had just echoed his thoughts.

"Strange?" Eren finally let go. "You're the one being strange!"

Looking around, Armin saw that they were in a long corridor at the back of the castle. It was barely ever used seeing that it was so out of the way. Eren's voice echoed around him. The corridor was completely empty and they were entirely alone.

"H-how so …?" Armin brought his hands to his elbows.

Eren now looked genuinely concerned, which in turn worried Armin. "You've just been … disappearing from us these days. Mikasa and I keep seeing you around Jean."

Jean? Why were they bringing him up? "Umm …"

"We both wanted to discuss that with you. But I thought, why not have a man-to-man talk? Just you and me."

Armin shifted from one foot to another. "Sure?"

"Firstly, what's up with you and Jean? You two have been … really close these days."

Armin knitted his brows together. "Define 'close'."

Eren raised an eyebrow. "Uhh … how about getting stuck together in a closet?"

"That was an accident."

"Jean carrying you."

"I had to reach the top of that tree."

"Ice-skating together?"

"He was having fun and wanted to skate a little more. Nothing wrong with that, right?" Armin said a little irritably. Was Eren trying insinuate something?

Eren crossed his arms. "I doubt those reasons."

"What? You think he has some ulterior motive?"

His best friend sighed. "Yes, unfortunately."

"Let's hear it."

"He could be trying to manipulate you!" Eren said exasperatedly.

Armin was taken aback. Manipulate? He couldn't help it, he started to giggle as Eren looked even more frustrated and annoyed.

He only hoped that his best friend will forgive him later.

 

* * *

 

Jean was under a lot of pressure at the moment. As he made his way to the pantry, he couldn't help but think of multiple things that could have gone wrong.

He had pulled an all-nighter yesterday to make Armin's present. After mailing the letters to his family, Jean remembered he had left his mother's essential oils in the library and went back to get them. Upon arriving there, he recalled how his Mum and him made candles when they were younger and an idea came to mind.

Taking the essential oils with him and after finding some paraffin pellets and small empty jars from storage rooms, Jean headed down to the kitchen to make Armin's gift:

Scented candles. They were perfect! Especially since Armin loved reading in the library late into night. Jean was pleased with himself and his genius.

However, having not made candles for a while, the actual process was nerve-wrecking. He put in a few drops of rose-scented oil into the melting wax. Would this be enough?

Finally he poured the solution into the jars, wicks held up with two sticks on each jar. Slowly, meticulously, he transported everything to the pantry and left it at a corner. He sincerely hoped no one would disturb it as they set for the night. Paranoid, Jean threw a large bowl over the candles to cover them.

This morning, he almost tore the door from its hinges as he threw himself into the pantry. Jean made a beeline for the candles he had made last night.

One, two, three. He counted. All here!

Still tense and nervous, he lightly touched the surface of each candle. They were beautifully waxy and a little powdery. Jean finally let his breath go and his face returned back to a normal shade of colour.

He carried the candles out of the pantry. Then, he realised that now that it was morning, soldiers would be awake. And seeing that Jean didn't have a bag to hide the candles, he felt a little shy going out like this. What if he ran into Armin?

He thought hard for a bit. Was there a way he could get back to his dorm to minimise the amount of people spotting him? Oh! There was that back corridor that nobody uses!

Jean felt absolutely fantastic. Another genius idea! He headed out of the pantry, took a left and soon found himself approaching that back corridor.

However, before Jean could turn the corner that would lead him there, he heard two voices which stopped him in his tracks.

"Jean would never!" Armin's voice rang loudly.

"Shhh!" Someone was shushing him. Eren?

Armin's voice sounded impatient. "Jean being around me is -"

"Not so loud! It's getting late in the morning and we're near the pantry," Eren's voice had dropped to a low whisper.

Jean felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Should he be here? Wait, what was he thinking? Of course not! But hearing his name had made him curious. Now that they were whispering he couldn't really make out what they were saying. He debated if he should come closer. After a moment, Jean's legs carried him over. He prayed eavesdropping wasn't a sin.

"I don't think -"

"But what if?"

"Well … then yeah, it's … a little creepy," Armin admitted, and continued quickly, "but Eren seriously. It wouldn't work - I … I don't like him anyway."

Shocked, Jean accidentally dropped a candle. It seemed to fall in slow motion as it spiralled to the ground. Jean already knew what was going to happen …

The jar hit the ground. No, it didn't break into a million smithereens due to the wax inside but the sound … Oh god, the sound.

Hearing the echoes, Eren and Armin instantly shut up. Then, Jean heard footsteps and flinched.

Fortunately, those quick footsteps were moving away from him. He presumed they've decided to leave.

Well, that's fine. Jean bent down to pick up the candle (the jar was cracked on one side). He's heard enough.

Still he was shocked. Armin thought he was creepy? He didn't like him? Anger rose in him. How could he say that? The turmoil of emotions within him was making Jean sick. Not only was this turn of events completely unexpected, what Armin had said really hurt him …

And on some part, Jean didn't want to believe it was true either. Then, a wave of disappointment and despondency came over him. Maybe Armin was right. Perhaps he was being a little creepy. Thinking about it, Jean realised that he had been spending a lot of time around the boy … He never stopped to think his company could have been unwanted.

Jean felt like crushing all of these candle jars. Armin could have just told him straight instead of going behind his back and telling Eren about it …

Now, he just looked like a fool. Jean regretted ever thinking they might be good friends.

And yet … and yet, he couldn't bear to throw away the candles he had made. Hating himself for being so weak, Jean threw the jars into his trunk in the dorm and went on his bed.

Even though the weather had been nice in the morning, the rest of the day looked glum and absolutely depressing.

 

* * *

 

Armin was seething. How could Eren push him into a corner like this? "I just want you to know, that if and only if such a reason was behind Jean's actions, then his behaviour could be considered creepy."

"I know, Armin," Eren said a little tiredly. "But we have to consider all possibilities … and do you think someone is following us?"

The other boy was a little annoyed at the change of subject. "That was probably just an accident. I don't think anyone is tailing us."

"Okay, good." Then Eren stopped walking as he turned around to face Armin.

Now that they were in a regular corridor with people passing them, Armin felt a little awkward. "Yes, Eren?"

"Look, I have to go now because I'm training with Levi at noon."

"On Christmas break?"

"Yes," Eren looked wistful. "I wish I could hang out with you guys more. I know I'm missing half the time and … I'm sorry I couldn't be a better friend."

Armin blinked in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

Eren put both hands on his shoulders. "I just want you to know that despite that, I'm still going to look out for you, as is Mikasa. We both just really care for your wellbeing. So take care, alright?"

Then, Eren left, disappearing into a crowd of people that was just coming by.

Armin sighed. It is true that Mikasa and him were getting to see Eren less and less but they both understood that wasn't his fault … He felt guilty for the times when he wished Eren and Mikasa were around. They were all trying their hardest and Armin shouldn't be selfish and ever think they were abandoning him …

But he guessed, it was also because he hardly saw them that he and Jean eventually became friends.

Speaking of which … Armin was still irritated at what Eren was insinuating. Jean manipulating him? Making a bet with others that he can make a guy fall in love with him? Even though that's a scenario Eren had come up with based on what Jean had done in the past with Mikasa, it was still absolutely ludicrous. Besides, hasn't Jean moved on? He seemed like a changed person now.

Then again, how much did Armin know Jean? Deep in thought, the boy moved aimlessly through the corridor, sometimes bumping into people. Well, he can say for sure Eren's fears were unfounded. And he did mention there was no evidence of Jean doing that and this scenario was completely hypothetical. Armin too, would like to trust Jean. After all, he did like Jean - as a friend of course! He blushed slightly, wondering why he had to clarify that in his head.

Perhaps it was because he wasn't able to clarify he meant he didn't like Jean that way to Eren earlier? Armin bit his lip on that thought. For some reason, it wasn't sure if -

All of a sudden, a hand came down on Armin's shoulder. Blinking rapidly, he saw that it was Mikasa.

"Armin, you're not walking straight," she said kindly. "I hope you're fine?"

"I - I am …"

Mikasa gave him a hug which took him by surprise. "I'm so glad." Then, she pulled away. "Why don't we go get lunch together?"

Nodding in agreement, he followed her to the cafeteria. Perhaps he'll find Jean later, and talk to him. Perhaps that'll ease the knot in his stomach that had started to form …

 

* * *

 

Armin glanced through the list he had just made. He checked for any repeats or inconsistencies. Everything had to be thoroughly planned out.

Lunch with Mikasa turned out to be just what he needed to clear his head. Not only was he able to catch up with her and what she and Eren did yesterday, she also reminded him that Christmas was only 2 days away.

That meant that the Christmas party was also 2 days away.

Fortunately, a few days ago, after decorating for the party, Armin had approached Erwin asking for permission that the squad in charge of supplies for the following month to leave earlier in order to get enough food for the party. Erwin agreed to that and had later instructed the squad to leave on the 23rd.

That was today … and Armin hasn't told them what they needed to get.

Finishing lunch early, Armin rushed outside of the Headquarters to find the squad leaving for supplies. Usually, a team would leave right after lunch and Armin was relieved to see they were still there, attaching the wooden cargo carts to the horses.

"Oh Armin, thank goodness," a soldier greeted him. "We were about to leave and we still don't know what to get for the Christmas party."

Armin hung his head, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, you can tell us now."

Thinking on the spot, Armin recited various ingredients needed. If the soldiers could get back to Headquarters by the evening, they could already start preparing the food!

Excited, Armin thanked them and saw them off, wishing them a safe journey. Next, for the month February, it'll be their squad's turn to get supplies and he resolved to bring back something nice for each soldier of this squad for their help.

Then, he went off to the library so that he could come up with a list of what the soldiers can cook for food at the party based on the ingredients he just gave.

Just as he was done and checking through it, Mikasa entered the library alongside Eren.

"You're back!" Armin exclaimed.

"Yeah …" Eren said, he looked exhausted.

Mikasa sighed. "Levi's really pushing Eren hard … They're trying to develop a combat style that is effective in the snow."

"Oh my," Armin frowned. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"Nope, just tired," Eren waved it off.

The two asked to see the list Armin had come up with and were delighted to find some of their favourite dishes.

"Seeing this already re-energises me!" Eren declared, patting Armin on the shoulder.

Mikasa laughed too. "Hey, why don't we go find Connie and Sasha? It seems they've brought some cards from home."

Armin wasn't really the sort to play cards, but seeing his friends' enthusiasm, he decided to come with as well. It wasn't like he had anything else on in the afternoon anyway. Although, he would like to talk to Jean. Perhaps he was playing cards too?

Loud laughter greeted them as they entered the cafeteria. From a table, Connie caught sight of them and waved them over. There were already nearly 10 people surrounding the table, all laughing and talking boisterously.

Armin scanned around. Jean wasn't one of them. He wasn't sure why but he felt a little disappointed. But, he tried to hide it as much as possible as Connie and Sasha sat them down and explained the rules of the game.

In the end, Armin was having fun. Everyone was great company and it felt awesome to hang out with Eren and Mikasa. However, as time passed and evening drew closer, Armin wished he had just one minute to find Jean and talk to him. Besides, he hasn't seen him around the whole day … was he ill?

He dared not ask either, lest it may lead to more interrogation by Eren.

Then, his attention was distracted by a soldier running into the cafeteria. "Armin?" he called.

Armin stood up, "I'm here!"

"Oh Armin," he said running over eagerly. "The supplies are here and the squad told me to tell you!"

"Brilliant!" Armin beamed and hurriedly explained to everyone at the table what was going on. Excited about the preparations for the upcoming party, the soldiers all decided to chip in and help. They followed Armin to greet the returning squad and helped unload the supplies to the kitchen and pantry.

"Thank you so much!" Armin said sincerely.

Now that the ingredients were here, the soldiers could start making their own dinner for tonight and food for the party that won't perish by Christmas. Armin suggested they start with making a dessert like gingerbread cookies.

Once again, he rolled up his sleeves and joined the soldiers in making the dough. He had Eren and Mikasa beside him and very soon, was enjoying himself, lost in the laughter and playing as soldiers flung flour at each other.

He almost remembered something, but diverted his attention back to dodging Eren's flour attack.

Perhaps he'll remember it tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

This was stupid. Jean thought. He was just being downright pathetic right now. Ever since the morning, he had stayed in his dorm the whole day, just contemplating.

While he hardly did so and this was a good opportunity to, the things he was contemplating weren't very happy.

Firstly, his friendship with Armin. Was that going to change now? Armin may not know Jean overheard his conversation with Eren so if he were to avoid him now, it might confuse him.

Then again, would he care? Armin had made it clear he didn't like Jean's company or friendship. Perhaps backing off would make him happier instead.

And every time he thought of that, Jean felt something crumble in him inside. Why was he feeling so pained?

I'm weak. Jean thought. I'm too emotional about this.

Another thing he had been contemplating was this feeling of self-denial that he had been having constantly for a while now. He didn't quite know what to do with it. He wasn't even sure if he knew what was causing it.

Finally, the last thing he had been contemplating was whether he should step outside and continue functioning like a normal human being. Though, he had easily suppressed this thought earlier and chose to nap for the entire afternoon instead. Now, however, Nature was calling after he awoke and Jean was considering stepping outside …

_Aargh! Why am I so scared of going out? Geez!_

Jean finally got up and walked to the bathroom to relieve himself. Then, as he was walking back, he saw a dorm-mate approach him.

"Jean, I was looking for you. I wanted to wake you but I didn't see you in bed and wondered where you've gone."

He yawned. "I went to the bathroom. Can I help you though?"

His dorm-mate looked incredibly excited about something. "Well, not me exactly but … most of the soldiers are actually in the kitchen now making gingerbread men! Wanna join?"

Jean contemplated a fourth thing for today. He hadn't had gingerbread cookies for a while … and it might get his mind off things a little …

Reading the expression on Jean's face, his dorm-mate grinned. "Let's go! The more people the better, Armin was saying."

"Armin?"

"Yeah, it's his Christmas party so he's there with us -"

Jean walked past him back to the dorm.

"Jean? Aren't you coming?"

"No, Issac," he said just before he entered. "I don't think I am anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... It was a sad chapter to write.


	11. One day

"Hey Jean!" Armin called out brightly as he saw him entering the pantry.

It was late into the morning and he had been starting to worry why he hasn't seen Jean for the whole of yesterday. Going back to his dorm after all that fun baking cookies, Armin almost forgot he hasn't seen him around at all until he spotted his Secret Santa gift on the bed. This morning, he didn't even turn up for breakfast which only seemed to prove that Jean may be sick. Wishing to preoccupy himself with other thoughts, Armin decided to check into the gingerbread men cookies in the pantry and do a storage count of all the ingredients they had left. Luckily, his fears of Jean being ill again were finally laid to rest with his presence in the pantry.

Almost immediately however, that presence was removed as Jean made a u-turn back out.

Armin was perplexed. What just happened? He didn't even have time to react properly and call him to wait.

And Jean didn't even say hi …

Armin began to wonder if he had angered Jean or made him upset in some way. Of course, there could be other reasons like a possibility that he suddenly had to make a break for the bathroom or that he simply didn't hear him due to being groggy from sleep.

Jean looked him in the eye though. He came in, flinched at Armin's voice and looked him in the eye before going back out.

Armin really couldn't argue for Jean still being sleepy. He knew he had fully registered the fact that Armin had greeted him and consciously made the decision to not do the same.

As for the bathroom break … it just doesn't seem to fit what just went on. The moment their eyes had connected, Armin saw, or at least he thought he saw, a flicker of hurt. It flashed by for less than a second but …

Something was definitely wrong here. He had a really bad feeling about this.

 

* * *

 

Jean wanted to smash his head into a wall. It was just his luck to run into Armin in the morning. Unfortunate events like such were so typical for him; really he should give up trying. He even purposely went to get breakfast late so that an early riser like Armin would have already had his breakfast and gone somewhere else.

What made it even worse was that u-turn he did. Why did he do that? Jean stood outside his dorm, staring at a wall. He seriously considered hurling himself at it. That was a bad decision. The worst decision. Acting so suspiciously would not only raise an alarm in Armin's head, but will also arouse his meddling nature and provoke him into searching for an answer.

Jean smashed his head into the wall. The pain was almost unbearable. But it was nothing compared to what he had to brace himself for later. Now that he had acted so weirdly, he knew Armin was going to try his hardest to find him for answers and Jean basically would have to spend his whole life running from and avoiding Armin.

_Why couldn't I have just played it cool, grabbed breakfast and left?_

He raised his head from the wall, tilting it back so that he could smash in his forehead again.

Then, a hand suddenly turned him around.

"Are you crazy? What are you trying to do?" Historia looked baffled.

Jean answered monotonously. "Give myself a concussion, it seems."

Historia felt his head. "You're not sick are you?" She examined his face carefully. "You're anxious about something, aren't you? Is it Armin?"

Jean pushed her hand away and broke out in cold sweat. Was he really going to have a conversation about him? Right here, right now?

"Calm yourself," Historia said sternly. "What did you do?"

"Me?" Jean spluttered, "I didn't do anything! Armin, he - I, I heard him but not really, I don't know - he thinks -"

Historia stopped him. "You're not making sense." She sighed. "But it looks like you two need to have a chat."

Jean felt his panic level rise at the word "chat". What is wrong with him? He shouldn't even be so worked up about this in the first place!

Then, there were footsteps coming round the corridor. The two of them heard voices getting louder. Jean immediately thought this was the perfect opportunity for him to escape. Without wasting a single precious second, he murmured a hurried "excuse me" to Historia and ran into his dorm as if there were a fire in the hallway.

Historia shook her head. Honestly, she did like him and found all his antics cute. But even she had to admit he had found someone he really, really cared about.

Loving someone can indeed bring as much joy as pain. She steadied herself, remembering her promise. This wasn't the time for a pity party. Historia wondered if there was something she could do to help them …

 

* * *

 

Armin was feeling slightly stressed out. The party was tomorrow and they would have to prepare for a Christmas lunch. At least the gingerbread men cookies were done. He went down the list. The pastries would have to be baked by today.

He left the kitchen, planning to start baking by 4pm so that the soldiers would have time to make their own dinner for tonight as well. Armin began to make rounds around the castle informing everyone he saw.

Now that he had completed what he needed to do on his agenda for the moment, Armin then went on his hunt for Jean. Wherever could he be?

Perhaps he was in his dorm?

Armin headed over and knocked on the door. Nobody answered so he opened it to peer inside. It was empty.

"Looking for someone?" A voice behind him asked.

Jumping a little, Armin looked back to see one of Jean's dorm-mates. "Issac, is Jean in?"

He shook his head. "You just missed him, he went out a few minutes ago."

"Do you know where he went?"

Issac thought for a bit, then frowned. "I'm sorry, he may have said something but it was so soft I couldn't catch it. I did see Historia with Jean as I went out later though!"

Armin thanked him and hurried off, thinking of looking for Historia. Perhaps she'll know where he went. All of a sudden, a mad rush of people almost knocked him over as he turned a corner. They were all heading towards the entrance.

Catching his balance, Armin looked on curiously as more soldiers dashed past him. What was going on?

"Armin!"

He whipped his head around to the voice. "Historia! I'm so glad, I -"

She came over excitedly. "Listen! There's going to be a mass snowball fight outside! You should go!"

"Snowball fight?" Armin was surprised. "How - why so suddenly?"

"Just go!" Historia said, pushing him towards the entrance. "It'll be fun!"

Armin was confused but went along anyway with Historia following him. When he got to the hallway of the main entrance, he could already hear the shouts and laughter. He felt a buzz of excitement. Armin just couldn't help himself. It was a mass snowball fight!

Subconsciously, he found himself quickening his footsteps towards the entrance. Once outside, a fantastic sight greeted him. About 30 or more soldiers have gathered there hurling snow at each other. Everyone was laughing and running around, tackling each other and taking sides. It reminded Armin of the snowball fights they had in his childhood.

Mikasa and Eren appeared out of the blue and lunged at Armin.

"Duck!" Eren cried out as the three of them hit the soft ground. A snowball had narrowly missed Armin and he heard Sasha complaining how it wasn't fair they took an easy target from her.

Armin laughed as did his two friends.

"Easy target, huh?" Armin grinned. Time for payback.

 

* * *

 

Jean was baffled. How did this happen?

Just a few minutes ago, he had shaken off Historia whom he ran into again and gone off to take a stroll around the castle grounds for fresh air, peace and quiet.

However, as he finished his circle around the castle and was about to go inside, Jean's eyes was greeted by what seemed to be a massive snowball fight. Not to mention, annoyingly, the whole horde of soldiers were blocking the entrance too.

"Why don't you join them?"

He was suddenly alerted to Historia who was beside him. "Where did you come from? And didn't I already tell you I'm not going to look for Armin?"

She shrugged. "I'm not telling you to look for him now, I'm urging you to join them."

"In the snowball fight?"

"Yes," she smiled. "You're so smart!"

Jean rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry but I don't feel like it. I'm going back inside."

Historia smiled even more sweetly. "But to do that, you would have to go through them right?"

Jean paused for a moment and then he understood. "Oh my god, you did this."

Historia had already started to push him towards the crowd.

"Wait, Historia! Why would you - Aargh! No -"

But it was too late, a snowball hit Jean and he was promptly swallowed up in the fray. Historia took in a deep breath and let it out. Her work here, was done.

Now, the rest was up to them.

 

* * *

 

"Don't be such a wimp, Jean!"

"Come back here!"

Armin whirled around quickly upon hearing Jean's name, almost hitting both Mikasa and Eren. The three of them were beginning to look like some unbeatable snowball fighting machine. But Armin who had heard Jean's name, stopped his relentless attacks immediately.

"Ah - Ow!" Eren brushed off a snowball that had hit him. "Armin we could really use your help right now!"

However, Armin seemed not to hear as he ran off, pushing through the crowd. Trying to search for someone in the middle of a snowball fight was no easy feat. Especially with the flying snow and swinging arms.

Finally, he spotted familiar brown hair moving through the crowd. Armin tried to go faster. "Jean! JEAN!"

He was now a few metres away from the boy. Armin called out as loud as he could. "JEEAAN!"

Jean turned with a look of annoyance that quickly changed to shock and then alarm. His eyes locked on to Armin's for the second time of the day but he tore himself away and started to elbow his way through with greater force.

Armin tried to catch up to him and within a few moments, reached the end of the crowd and was now facing the entrance of the castle.

But Jean … Jean was long gone.

Panting, Armin reached his dorm. He had been going around collating various allergies the soldiers had. This was so that the food they would be cooking for the party could be eaten by everyone. Armin also kept an eye out for Jean, and even doubled back to places like his dorm once or twice. Although he did catch him a few times, Jean always turned the other direction and disappeared off somewhere.

He was definitely deliberately avoiding Armin. And … it really hurt.

Armin curled up on his bed. He wasn't feeling too well. He was exhausted from running about trying to find Jean and recording down allergies.

More than anything however, Armin was confused, anxious and devastated. He brought both hands to his chest as he breathed heavily.

Armin tried to think back, looking through their interactions to see if there could be anything that might have elicited such a reaction from Jean. Unfortunately, he couldn't come up with anything that may have lead to such a drastic change in Jean's behaviour towards him.

He was beginning to regret going down memory lane as he started to feel worse. Running through all of the memories they had shared the past few days really made him realise how much he missed Jean's company.

He didn't care what Eren or Mikasa thought. They could speculate all they want but the truth was, Armin trusted Jean and so far, he hasn't given Armin any reason to think otherwise. At least until today …

But his behaviour wasn't that of deceit or guilt, it was more like he was upset as well. Armin curled up into an even tighter ball. It didn't make any sense. Armin didn't feel like he was the one who hurt Jean but somehow also got the feeling that he blamed him for something.

He was frustrated. Armin couldn't come up with any leads. He continued to lay in bed, distressed.

Who would have known Jean would mean this much to him?

A blush crept over Armin's cheeks. Of course, he meant that Jean was important to him, he liked him … as a friend.

Liar. His brain told him.

Armin gasped and quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. However, he couldn't stop the tsunami of thoughts and emotions from all their interactions and growing relationship.

Quivering, he drew his own hands around him, hugging himself. He felt tired. Tired and lonely.

Armin pulled himself to a sitting position and stood up, albeit a little shakily. It was four, he needed to get to the kitchen and start baking the pastries with everyone. He had to be strong and push these troubling thoughts from his mind, lest the cooking turn out to be horrible.

Making his way to the kitchen slowly, the only thought that could comfort him was the hope he'd see Jean there and get a chance to talk to him.

Armin was greeted by Eren and Mikasa at the kitchen. They looked cheerful as they informed him that the soldiers have already started on the cranberry tarts.

"Armin … are you okay?" Mikasa asked noticing that their friend was silent.

"You look a little pale …" Eren agreed, placing a hand on his forehead. "You don't have a fever though."

He smiled appreciatively at his friends' concerns. "It's nothing to worry about. I'm just tired."

"Then you should rest," Eren sounded stern.

Armin managed to laugh a little. "Honestly, it's okay. Could you give me something to do?"

With Armin's insistence, the two eventually relented and allowed him to twist the strips of dough that were to become the crust of the tarts.

It wasn't until they were starting on cake rolls that Armin spotted Jean walking - no, being dragged into the kitchen by a very determined looking Historia.

He was being led to a table surrounded by soldiers doing the icing. They started to make noise about how he hasn't helped out at all and pushed towards him, most of the tarts that need to be iced.

Armin noted an air of dejection about him as he started for the table.

"Armin!" Mikasa suddenly tapped him on the shoulder from behind. "Could you stuff these rolls and put them in the oven?"

He took the tray from her. "Umm … okay."

Armin stuffed the rolls as fast as he could, hoping Jean doesn't pull another disappearing act. Then, he put the entire tray in the oven and was relieved to see Jean was still there doing the icing.

He had his back turned to him so Armin wagered he probably hasn't spotted him yet. Now was his chance!

"Armin!"

This time, Eren had come over from the sink with a basket of vegetables. "We need to dice these carrots and peel the potatoes for tomorrow."

Armin felt a little dizzy. "Sure …" he said faintly, taking a chopping board and knife.

He willed himself to be patient. Everyone was busy with something and he should be here helping and not thinking about resolving personal conflicts.

15 minutes later, the vegetables were done and so was Jean with the icing. He informed his fellow soldiers he had completed his task. Armin decided this was perhaps the best time to go over except that … something smelt like it was burning.

"The oven!" Connie shrieked as smoke started to rise from it.

Being nearest to the oven, Armin grabbed a piece of cloth and opened it, coughing as the smoke came out. He pulled out the trays quickly, almost burning himself.

Everyone rushed over to examine the damage.

"Ahh … it's a little charred."

"But it can still be saved."

"Thank goodness for Armin. You pulled them out real quick."

Armin heaved a sigh of relief. The cake rolls looked like they were going to be fine. Then, he peered over his shoulder.

Once again, Jean was gone.

"Excuse me," he tried to get by several people. He didn't see Jean leave by the front door so perhaps he went by the door to the pantry?

Armin dashed to the door just in time to see Jean finish drying his hands and going out of the pantry's back door. Armin swiftly followed.

He saw Jean turn a left and approached the long corridor that he and Eren were in yesterday. Since it was a straight corner until another turn at the end, Armin thought it was the best decision to run after him now before he could escape.

"Jean!" Armin ran as if he were in a race.

Startled, Jean froze for a moment before his own legs started to move.

However, having had a head start, Armin managed to latch onto his shirt and pull him back. The force swung them both back and they stumbled, falling to the ground.

"Jean!" Armin was the first to sit up, he grabbed Jean's hand and helped him up too. "Jean, why are you avoiding me?"

Jean stared in shock. This was the worst case scenario. He didn't even prepare himself for a response! "Umm …" then, he looked to the ground. "I'm not …"

Armin was getting a little frustrated. "What are you talking about? You can't deny -"

"I was giving you some space!" Jean exclaimed suddenly, snatching his hand away. He felt ashamed, upset and angry at the same time. They don't make a very good feeling together.

"What do you mean?" Armin was terrified. Did he do something wrong after all? The corridor was too dark at this time of the day. He wished he had a light so that he could see Jean's face.

"I know how you feel …" Jean muttered, standing up slowly. "You don't have to hide it."

Armin stood too, feeling an urge to hold Jean so that he couldn't escape. "I'm not hiding anything."

Luckily, Jean stood still. "Please don't be considerate like this. Trust me when I say it makes me feel worse."

Genuinely flummoxed, Armin stammered. "I - I don't understand -"

"Look Armin," Jean said, tearing his eyes up from the ground. Despite the lack of light, Armin could see hurt and betrayal in his eyes which shocked him. "I didn't want to tell you but I overheard what you said about me … and I now know you think I'm being creepy and that you hate me."

"Jean, that - I have never -"

"I was there, okay?" Jean pointed to a corner in the corridor. "I was behind that wall, listening to you and Eren talk here yesterday!"

Armin's eyes widened. "Oh my god, you were the one who made that noise?"

"I dropped something, yes," Jean admitted awkwardly, then remembered the situation at hand. "But do you get it now? I found out how you felt about me!"

"How much have you heard?" Armin was starting to understand now.

"Does that matter?"

Armin stepped closer. "Did you hear about the part where Eren made up a hypothetical scenario about you and me?

Now Jean hesitated. "No …"

"Well, in that hypothetical scenario," Armin explained. "You were using me to win a bet against people - that you could make anyone you wanted fall in love with you. Which includes me."

Jean blushed. "What? I've never even -"

"Eren based that off what you did in the past with Mikasa you see …"

"But that was then! I don't even see her that way - I don't do these things anymore!" Jean said hotly. He was getting so worked up here about what Armin thought of him and his past actions. He honestly didn't care anymore that he was saying whatever first came to mind at the moment.

Armin sighed. "I believe you. But Eren asked me what if that were the case. What if those were the reasons you decided to befriend me."

Jean looked utterly furious. "Of course those weren't my reasons!"

"I know," Armin cracked a small smile. "But because he wanted an answer, I had to admit that if those were your reasons, you'd be kinda creepy and that's probably the part you overheard -"

Jean hastily grabbed Armin's hand, making the boy gasp a little. His head was in a mess now but he couldn't hold himself back. He had never been this relieved and happy. "Armin," he said, looking directly at him. "I was your friend because I sincerely like you and - and … I really enjoyed being around you."

Armin felt like he couldn't breathe. He could hear his own heart thumping and wondered if it was loud enough that Jean could hear too. He felt himself turn red at Jean's words. He was reminded of his conscience calling him a liar. It was gloating in triumph.

"I - I … Jean," he swallowed. "I never doubted you. "I told Eren that -"

Quickly, Jean pulled Armin in. He hugged the boy tightly, as if he could disappear at any time. For some reason, Armin was blinking back tears. He felt like his heart could burst at any moment. The smell of Jean … the smell of his clothes, his hair … this was the closest he had ever gotten to him and Armin didn't want to let go.

This is dangerous. Jean thought. He had to let go …

And finally, with amazing willpower, he was able to pull apart. They both stepped away quickly in embarrassment.

"I - I'm sorry …" Jean apologised in a fairly steady voice. Inside however, he was certain he was dying. Was Armin going to think that was weird? Oh god, after he told me he's never doubted me too …

"I'm so, so sorry!" He said, bowing to Armin who had started to say something. "I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble and not giving you the benefit of the doubt!"

Jean … Armin desperately tried to raise him up but he wasn't budging.

"I'm deeply sorry, A - Armin," he said thickly, his voice starting to tremble. "I'm so stupid and I put you through so much p - pain … I don't deserve to be forgiven, b - but -"

Armin knelt down, grasping his shoulders. "I understand Jean! I got it! I forgive you, so please, please stand up straight!"

Slowly, Jean did straighten up. He was breathing as if he ran a mile. "Armin … you don't have to …"

"I want to," Armin replied firmly. "I understand … I really do. I just hope things can go back to normal again …" He took in a deep breath trying to steady his pounding heart. "I really missed you, Jean."

Jean stuck out his hand, laughing a little with heavy breaths. "Let's start anew? Hi, I'm Jean."

Armin giggled, accepted the handshake. "Hi, I'm Armin. But I think you got your name wrong, Idiot."

"Hey!" Jean was laughing heartily now. "Come here!" He attempted to tickle Armin but the smaller boy squeaked and squirmed away, dashing down the corridor while Jean gave chase.

From behind the corner, Historia smiled contently. It looked like everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I had planned this to be a shorter chapter, it turned out to be my longest chapter yet (I think). I should have known that things never go accordingly to plan, haha. I still had fun writing this one though!
> 
> Sorry about the late-ass post again by the way! ><


	12. Christmas day (Finally!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I own nothing. Secondly, I'm extremely happy and proud to present the last chapter of this fanfic! Thank you all, who have stuck with me since the first chapter! /cries

Armin shot up from the bed. He was already wide-awake and ready for the day. A jolt of excitement ran through him. He could smell it in the air, he could hear it in the birds' chirping this morning.

It was finally Christmas!

He leapt out of bed, showered in under 5 minutes and ran to the kitchen, almost tripping over himself. He had to start on the food already!

Soon, other soldiers began to arrive at the kitchen. Armin greeted each one of them happily.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Armin!"

Slowly, the kitchen started to fill up with soldiers, all chipping in to prepare the food for the party later at lunch. Eren came in and hugged Armin tightly.

"Merry Christmas!" he swayed from side to side, making Armin laugh.

"You too, Eren - ah! Be careful! I'm holding a knife …"

Almost after he had said that, Mikasa and Historia walked through the door, both wearing smiles.

"Merry Christmas!" They chimed and then whipped out Santa Claus hats from behind their backs which they swiftly put on Eren and Armin.

The kitchen was becoming a bustling place of Christmas cooking and preparation. Armin absolutely relished the spirit and push everyone was giving. Dish after dish was cooked as Armin ticked off the items on his menu list.

Just then, Jean came in. They both spotted each other at the same time.

"Merry Christmas!" They said from across the room but all the hustle and bustle made it impossible to hear what they just said. Still, he grinned at each other, almost shyly and turned back to their work.

Jean went over to help the group of soldiers making the Christmas pudding. They looked like they were struggling the most. As he was mixing the fruit that was going to go into the pudding, he could smell the roast turkey and already felt hungry.

Today, he had woken up in a significantly lighter mood. Although he was never one to celebrate Christmas, he could feel … something in the air that filled his lungs and lifted his spirits. It seemed like Armin's Christmas cheer had really gotten to him.

Thinking about all the fun things they had done together leading up to this day, made him smile. Yes, Armin definitely got to him and what's more, he liked it. It was the first Christmas he had ever properly celebrated and he was glad to do it with the Survey Corps, his friends.

"What's with that silly grin on your face, Jean?" Sasha laughed as she walked by carrying a large bowl of honey-roast carrots.

He kept his grin while he blushed. "Just feeling the Christmas cheer, Sasha."

The mad rush to finish all the cooking on time was surprisingly enjoyable and Jean found that he did not dislike working with these people … Here at Headquarters, it was starting to feel like a second home. He was struck with a sudden gratefulness for the people around him and pushed himself to work harder to get all the food done on time.

Similarly, Armin was greatly enjoying the cooking and all that rushing about. Everything felt so lively and spirited! Especially since the soldiers who had left for home had returned and were now helping out in the kitchen too. Armin was thankful for all his friends here, and not just that, even the soldiers whom he didn't really know. They all were here, pitching in to make this party a success. His heart swelled with pride. He was proud to call this place his second home.

Then, finally, it was noon. After making his final rounds to inspect everything, Armin loudly declared the party had begun!

In unison, the soldiers punched their fists in the air and cheered loudly. The food was quickly brought out to the cafeteria and laid out on the tables.

Armin exited the kitchen, he had to tell Commander Erwin that the party had begun. However, just as he was about to exit the cafeteria, Erwin strode in along with Levi and Hange.

"Sir," Armin saluted. "The Christmas party has begun!"

Erwin burst out in laughter, shocking Armin. "You look strange saluting while inviting me to a party." Then he reached out to rub the top of Armin's head. "Good work, Arlert. I look forward to a fantastic lunch."

Armin closed his jaw and called to them while they made their way to a table. "Merry Christmas! And … happy birthday, Captain Levi!"

"Merry Christmas!" Hange laughed.

Levi snorted but gave a silent nod to Armin.

Feeling pleased with himself, Armin pivoted around to find his friends only to meet Eren face to face.

"Shall we?" Eren guided him over to a table that Mikasa was sitting at.

Feeling brave, Armin thought it was time he told them. He took a deep breath. It was now or never. "Eren, Mikasa."

They looked at him with smiles. "Yes, Armin?"

"Guys …" His voice wavered a little but he kept going. He wondered where all this courage came from. "It's about Jean …"

"Did you talk to him?" Eren asked. "You didn't tell him what I told you right?"

Armin scratched his head sheepishly. "I may have said something … But Eren! Wait, listen. Be quiet," he laughed. "He's fine - no, he's not mad, don't misunderstand me … can I finish?"

Mikasa chuckled. "Let him finish, Eren."

"I … just wanted to let you two know that I fully trust Jean, and that I hope you two can trust me when I say that he's not manipulating me in any form." Armin put a hand over his heart which was beating erratically right now. "I really value him as an important friend …"

Eren stared at his best friend. Something was going on. Armin's expression, him hiding the tremor behind his voice, the delicacy in which he referred to Jean. Eren blushed a little. "It sounds like a confession."

Mikasa got up from her seat and gave Armin a hug. "Of course. We're sorry we ever thought otherwise. Now I'm comforted to know that Jean is genuine towards you and you to him."

Eren felt his own heart beating. This sounds like a father giving away his daughter!

Then, Erwin stood up, raising his mug. The rest of the soldiers noticed and looked on curiously. A hush fell over the cafeteria. Armin watched him with awe. The ability to command silence without even speaking … it was truly impressive.

"I wish to commend all of you for your efforts in making this party possible. Christmas is a time for joy and magic, but also family and friends. As soldiers, we tend to forget these things as we face the harsh realities of this world. But today, we celebrate and acknowledge the existence of universal values love and gratefulness for each other, as for many of us, we see the Survey Corps as our second family. And so I say, let's cherish all the people around us today and drink to our heart's content tonight!"

When Erwin ended his speech, the Survey Corps erupted into enthusiastic cheers and applause, many of them saluting him and raising their own mugs into the air.

Soon, the whole cafeteria was filled with chatter and laughter as everyone dug into the food. Armin was so overjoyed to see how things turned out, he teared a little. It was true, food does taste better cooked with friends in a jovial mood. And eating, talking and joking with everyone made the whole event seem more festive. Armin felt so much closer to all of his friends and even the soldiers he had never really spoken to before.

The Christmas lunch party lasted approximately two hours before all the food was finished and drink had gone. Everybody too, helped with the clean up which sped things up a lot faster.

The mail had arrived too and Jean was surprised when Connie found him at the sink drying some plates with letters.

"Are those for me?" Jean asked with surprise.

"Yes! Merry Christmas, Jean!" Connie patted his back and went off to help Sasha with the soaping.

Jean stopped drying for a moment as he examined the letters. One, two, three, four brown envelopes. They were papery in his hand. Upon closer inspection, he recognised the address and the writing. They were from his family! Excited, he put the letters in his jacket and hurriedly dried the pile of dishes he was given. He intended to read them as soon as he was finished.

A few minutes later, Jean excused himself and almost sprinted to his dorm. He sat on his bed and began to excitedly tear open the first envelope. It was from his sister, Liese.

He unfolded the paper inside, read it and smiled as he went along. She felt sorry for not being able to be there for him now that she was older but also hoped she could still maintain a good relationship with him.

"I'll definitely come visit Mum more. I hope to see you again someday too, Jean. Please be safe and write often. And did you know - Ethel is going to have a baby! Merry Christmas!"

Jean tore open the second envelope from his younger sister and read it excitedly. It was true! She was going to be due in a few months. It felt so surreal she was so grown up now.

"It felt like it was just yesterday when we played tag in the backyard. I've always looked up to you Jean. Thanks for contacting me and once again being a role model to what being part of a family is like. I'll write to you often so please receive my letters in good health! Merry Christmas to you too!"

He put her letter aside as he took up the next one. Now the warm, fuzzy feelings he had been experiencing were met with some apprehension. This one was from his father. As he began to read, mixed emotions welled up inside of him. His father was expressing some remorse for leaving the family and was apologetic for not being there for them. But he also made it clear in his letter that he had a new one now that he wanted to be responsible for.

"Still, I'll try my best to give your mother support or aid when possible. You are all still my children and I hope to see you again one day so that I can fully express my love for you."

Jean sighed as he put that letter aside. It may be too late, but he supposed, there was always a chance. He picked up the last letter from his mother. He opened it gently, a little shakily. Jean unfolded the piece of paper. It smelt like home which already made him tear.

His mother related her happiness at receiving a letter and her regret for not writing to him sooner.

"I thought I might be disturbing you if I wrote, that was the reason why I haven't contacted you. But I often thought of you and wrote letters to you and your sisters that I never mailed. You have all grown up to be so strong and independent. No matter what, I'm proud of you and will love you until my last breath. Thank you for writing, Jean. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. Reading your letter felt like you were almost next to me, talking. I love you, dear. Eat properly, stay safe and live your life. Merry Christmas."

Jean broke down in tears. For the first time in a long while, he was sobbing with abandon. He didn't care if anyone heard him or walked him. He was just happy to cry and relieved to have his family by his side.

Finally, he slipped the letters back in their envelopes and stored them carefully in his trunk with new resolve to write to them every fortnight at least. Jean really felt some hope now, that his family could be properly rekindled and pieced back together.

His hand touched the candle jars he had thrown in his trunk. It was all thanks to Armin. He took them out gently, a little embarrassed at how he had been treating them so roughly because of his own insecurities with Armin before.

Jean felt a certain … tenderness in his heart as he wrapped the candles up in cloth. He would have to properly thank Armin later.

He went out of the dorm, holding the wrapped present in his hands. Jean was met with dancing soldiers, groups singing Christmas carols as they went down the hallway, people stopping others to gift presents, soldiers reading mail …

It was such a festive atmosphere that Jean embraced too, with his entirety. It felt great to fill himself with the spirit of Christmas. Somehow, he felt like a new person, and more than ready to face the next year with his family and friends.

Jean walked around trying to find Armin. He checked in his dorm but he wasn't there. Perhaps he would have better luck with the library?

He opened the double doors and walked inside. And true to his guess, Armin stood there facing the window.

"Armin?" Jean asked, startling the other boy a little as he turned with surprise.

"Jean," he smiled warmly. "Did you know it's starting to snow again?"

"I didn't, but I imagine it must be really beautiful outside." Jean answered honestly. "Aren't you going out?"

"Later," Armin said, adjusting his Santa Claus hat. "I feel like some quiet to ponder about some things."

Jean couldn't help but think about how adorable Armin looked. And why should he deny it? It was true, Armin was cute and at that moment, Jean wanted nothing but to be close to him.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," he said, walking towards the window to join him. The falling snow was light and powdery. It did look beautiful, perhaps even magical as it fell gently onto the castle grounds and all the soldiers playing outside.

Armin shook his head. "Not at all …" He smiled shyly. "In fact, I was just thinking about you."

"You were?"

He nodded and looked outside. "I just … I was just thinking about how much closer we've become this holiday season and honestly, I'm really grateful for it." Armin brought his eyes to Jean's face. "It's so weird but I've never liked someone this much in such a short period of time. You've been such a wonderful friend … always being there for me, helping me, trusting me. I really owe you, Jean."

Jean's heart started to race. Face flushed, he quickly replied, "A - Armin. If anything, I should be thanking you … You've helped me open up and find happiness. I mean, look - this afternoon I just received letters back from my family!"

Armin gasped in response. "Really? What did they say?"

"Great things! I - I was able to reconnect with them and realise how much I meant to them … and now I'm filled with new determination to patch up family ties. And it's all because of you, Armin. Thank you." Jean finished sincerely.

The blond boy bowed his head as he blushed. "J - Jean … I'm so happy for you." He said softly.

Just then, Jean remembered his mission. He showed Armin the wrapped package. "Here! I … umm … got you something."

Armin took it with shock. "Really?"

"Y - yeah … I'm your Secret Santa."

Then, Armin burst into laughter. "Oh Jean! I'm your Secret Santa too!" He then held up what seemed to be a jar of round cookies with a snowdrop garnished on top. "I baked you something!"

Jean took it from his hands. The round, white balls reminded him of the snowball fight they had that day. He blushed too. It was such a beautiful present.

Armin had unwrapped the cloth, revealing two peach-coloured candles in a jar.

"Originally, there were supposed to be three …" Jean said a little ashamed. "B - but … umm. I kind of dropped the other one the other day when I was … uhhh eavesdropping."

Armin giggled. He clutched the candles tightly in his hand. "Thank you, Jean! They are perfect!"

Then, the two fell silent. A strange feeling came over the both of them.

Perhaps it was the weather; the light in the room that cast a soft glow on things. Or perhaps it was Christmas, the spirit of it that made everything seem so magical. But whatever it was, Armin felt like he wanted to express something.

He looked at Jean who was also looking at him. His face turned red as he realised how important he was to him. Armin didn't quite know what to say. He was finding difficulty at picking his words.

"Jean …" he said softly. "Jean, you're … really important to me."

Jean smiled gently as he reached forward to tuck a strand of loose hair behind his ears. Armin didn't realise how close they were standing together until then. His heart pounded and felt like it was going to jump out of his chest any moment. His breathing became erratic as he felt slightly faint.

All Jean could think right now were Armin's brilliant blue eyes and how beautiful they looked. He felt like the more he stared, the more he was falling into it but he couldn't tear his eyes away. He had impulsively reached over to tuck his golden hair behind his ears. His hand brushed the skin of his face briefly. It was so soft.

Armin's face was completely red. Was he feeling what he was feeling too? Jean thought about Armin's words. He was important to him … The phrase felt like a warm blanket around him. Standing in front of him was Armin Arlert, confessing that he was important to him. Jean felt relief and joy, because he felt the same way too. Jean felt like cherishing the person in front of him forever.

"Armin …" Jean said without thinking. "You're beautiful."

If he just leaned in, Armin thought, slowly losing control of his emotions somehow. If Jean just leant in a little … They were inches apart. Was Armin subconsciously leaning in? He didn't care; they were so close … he could feel Jean's breath on his lips.

Suddenly, the double doors burst opening, shocking Jean and Armin as Eren and Mikasa came in.

"Armin! Let's go ice-skating! Historia's already there!" Eren jumped up and down excitedly.

The two had reacted instinctively. Jean pulled away, crossing his arms and looked to the ground while Armin … Armin collapsed to the floor. He was panting heavily.

"What just happened …?" Eren looked at them with surprise.

Then, Armin got up shakily. He grinned as he stumbled towards Eren, red-faced and grinning. "Fine. Let's go."

Eren stared after his best friend. "What? Armin come back - you're - careful! You're not walking straight!" He ran after him out of the library.

Mikasa addressed Jean cheerfully. "Hey, you're invited too."

Jean didn't answer for a second before he too, gathered himself and went to Mikasa, taking the skates she was holding out. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

Mikasa smiled, watching his flustered expression and his trembling hands. She wondered what would have happened if she and Eren just paused a moment before entering.

"Merry Christmas, Jean," she grinned.

Jean gave her an embarrassed grin back. "Yeah. Merry Christmas to you too, Mikasa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling slightly emotional ending this. Writing this fanfic was not easy especially since I planned to post a chapter every day until Christmas. Now that it's finally here, no more sleepless nights and endless hours of planning! I'm so overjoyed and proud to have finished this fic! Thank you everyone for your support.


End file.
